Back again...

Today is rainy but at least it is Thursday. Thank goodness that my fun co-workers are coming back soon. It has been a really long week.

Also, after my ranting last night I decided to try and get back on the healthy, rational food eating wagon. Today hasn’t been bad so far…wish me luck.

On another note I was talking to a friend yesterday about dysfunctional family stuff. The conversation started with my story about my road trip with my father and grandmother. We covered the basics of how I was looking for some closure, he doesn’t even try to be my father and would it really matter, and why some parents are able to emotionally walk away from their children.

The conversation then moved onto the children (my friend and I) coming to terms with the fact that our fathers did the best they could. Is it possible to find some sort of closure in that and realize that it is not our fault? Which led me to ask the question – why do kids always blame themselves for things that happen with parents?

For example, my father chooses to not to be a part of my life – there must be something wrong with me. Or my mother died – I must have been bad. Or my parents got divorced – I somehow am to blame for this. Children then carry these feelings into adulthood and always feel as if they aren’t good enough.

My friend felt that this emotion comes from a narcissistic attitude - that children are especially narcissistic. She is a self proclaimed narcissist so I don’t know if I agree with her. I’m also curious if girls feel this way more than boys. And is it possible that as children our identities are so wrapped up in our parents that everything about us is directly related to them. We have nothing else to base our worth on.

Just some ponderings from my dysfunctional brain…