what i miss...

walks outside. tonight after work i went for a short jaunt around the neighborhood and it was quite nice. it seems that for months we've been fighting ice storms, torrential winds, cold, cold and more cold. and guess what? i'm ready for spring and it better get here soon or i'm going to go bonkers.

just a warning.

tomorrow is friday and i am happy. but not as happy as i would be if it were a friday in mid-april.

all is well at the new gig. except for one minor things. there are a few super duper negative people that complain a lot about management. what's up with the complaining about the company to the new folks...uncalled for really. i told one lady today that i worked for a state agency and i'm completely familiar with the b.s. factor...so i wasn't too concerned about it. it's just kind of annoying to me because i'm not stupid...i know that when you have five principals there are going to be a plethora of issues and personalities and conflict is always going to exist...you really don't need to point it out or ask me if i've noticed.

i'm just saying.

well i'm off to bed. happy friday friends.

bad news...

no i haven't lost my job.

no i wasn't in a car accident.

no i don't have to replace anything major.

no the sky isn't falling.

but sadly, we won't be going to see judge judy.

unfortunately our enemy in small claims land refuses to go because he's an idiot (and so is his wife). apparently their attorney has advised against it. the producer from jj's show claims that their attorney must be incompetent because most attorneys encourage it because they don't have to pay anything regardless. it's a win-win for them, plus a trip to LA, plus a few hundred dollars, plus hanging with jj...idiots i tell you. idiots.

sorry folks...you will not get to hear about the adventure with judge judy after all.

but next week we do officially head to small claims court...wish us luck. i'm a little weirded out by it all really but i think that's mostly because i don't like conflict and uncomfortable situations. but such as life.

this new job is going good. the workflow has been steady and nothing major has fallen upon my desk yet. everyone seems nice and no major red flags have gone up yet. can you read the slight paranoia? but i am remembering the things i love about private companies...today i found out that there was a taste test held for our office coffee. meaning different types of coffee were made and tested and then the winner (seattle's best in this case) became our official coffee. now if i could just get them stock liquid creamer.

also i have been assigned to the employee event committee...next week we are taking a field trip to taste potential food for our christmas party. and on friday morning we have a staff meeting with different HR presentations and then lunch from Ted's.

oh and one other thing that i'm excited about. we are going to help a museum in okc look for funding to do some renovation work on their building and we are going to work on helping them get a grant...we are meeting with the center for non-profits tomorrow morning. this is good because i would like to get some grant writing experience under my belt and this is a good chance.

sorry that was a bit too much rambling about the job...

and anyway, i need to be on my way. i'm again having a hard time sleeping this week, i swear, i just like the pm hours too much. 9-11pm are my best hours and then by the time i wind down...it's 1am. and as much i like to live in denial...i'm old and i need sleep.

so i have to start my winding down now...sweet dreams.

yea for once!

the song from "once" just won the oscar for best original song. if you haven't see "once"...you should see it too.

a movie weekend...

i think after our long week of sickness and newness we needed a pretty low-key weekend and that involved a few movies and of course the oscars.

friday we caught a matinee (thanks to my 4 1/2 day work week) of "be kind, rewind," a fun, little quirky movie.



and thanks to a free coupon from redbox we watched "michael clayton" - sort of like your typical dramatic, lawyer movie but not really.



then we found a copy of a documentary about an obscure christian band called the danielson famile who has been around for years and played a big role in the early days of sufjan stevens. and since we are some seriously nerdy music folk we bought the dvd at the hollywood video store that is going out of business. the trailer for the doc is pretty bad so i'm posting a video instead.



and on a side movie note...we watched "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" last weekend. this isn't typically the type of film that i watch...i don't like violence, sadness, death, scary things in general...but you should watch it. beautiful and haunting.

something else to add to my list of weirdness...

you may or may not know that e and his one remaining band member are suing an old band member who refuses to accept some financial responsibility. we have a small claims court date scheduled in a couple of weeks.

well today we got a phone call from a producer at the judge judy show. it is possible that we could appear on the judge judy show, airing our grievances (aka dirty white trash laundry) on national tv. if we are picked and everyone agrees it involves a trip to LA, all the fixings and if the judge rules in our favor the settlement will be paid by the show within 30 days.

so bizarre.

another random, weird experience that is absolutely priceless but unfortunately doesn't have a place on a resume...kind of like working with steven baldwin or lobbying in washington dc. this band has been at times a huge pain in the arse but it continues to surprise me by the interesting highlights.

happy weekending.

do you ever...

realize that your tense and breathing very shallow?

and not know why?

then it hits you that your stressed about something but can't remember what it is.

this just happened to me...it's 12:20 in the a.m. and i'm stressed about something and can't remember what it is.

there is seriously something wrong with me.

e's slowing recovering from the croup...and i have a scratchy throat....nooooooo not a scratchy throat

....maybe that's what i'm worried about...

must go back to bed.

so sleepy...

i'm not sure if it's the croup floating around my house, the trauma of the new job or my nine hour work days but i am soooo beat tonight. 15 more minutes and i'm off to the couch.

yes the couch. which might be another reason i'm beat. e has spent the last two straight days laying in, coughing in and contaminating in my bed. and i do not want to be that close to those germs so i spent last night on the couch. which also means that my dog insisted on being on the couch. funny thing about my dog...he gets mad when you touch him when he's sleeping. he growls, growls louder and then all out barks...this happened twice last night. sometime around 2 and 4. i move, he growls, i move just to piss him off, he growls louder, he barks, finally leaves and then hops back up two minutes later. i make him get off and before i know it in my sleepy state he's back and he's growling. the dog has too much power.

and right now i'm too tired to even think that i'll do anything about it.

anyway, tonight i will be back on the couch with some tylenol pm...the sleepytime can't handle it.

other than my zombie like state, e's insistence that he's sick and my dog's annoying personality...all is well.

one more thing...

today was a lovely reminder that there are interesting, lovely places to work in...as opposed to the crap hole that those crappy people made me work in. 

i shall refer to those crappy people no more.  they are dead to me. 

and nine hours later.

i survived.  it was a good first day. i'm tired and pretty sure i'm on the edge of sickness but otherwise all is well. 

sadly that's all i got. 

take some airborne for me.

the croup.

e's got the croup or whatever illness everyone keeps passing around. 

i'm saying prayers, crossing my fingers and could potential overdose on airborne. 

my first day is going pretty smoothly.  nice office space.  plenty of cool pens.  a goody basket to kick off the day. a four minute commute.  lunch at home.

sigh. 

wish me luck.

i really wasn't worried about the new job until today...but that's what a five hour car ride will do...give a girl time to worry and fret.

i shouldn't say worry, maybe just cause a little anxiety. 

i'm off to drink some extra sleepy time tea and then bed. 

thanks friends in kc for the weekend fun.  those of you off celebrating the presidents tomorrow...have a good one. 

the end of an era.

the end of my era in politics is wrapping up tomorrow.  after a month of hanging out with charlie and the republicans it's time for it to come to an end...and you know what...i'm glad.  i went into this job knowing that it could become frustrating and i think i've started becoming just that.  there's the game playing, extreme views and the overall sense that the world revolves around that place.  and you and i know that it does not. 

so i will say goodbye tomorrow glad to have the experiences (and free food) but also glad to move on.

monday i start the new gig and am looking back on the last few months and feel relieved. relieved that we survived a lot of drama, relieved that i'm feeling good about things again and super relieved that we've come out financially ok...actually with some extra money.  and i really don't know how it happened.  so i'm just going to say a word of thanks and be on my merry way.

tomorrow evening we are heading to kansas city to see some friends.  no big plans are on the agenda and that sounds quite lovely.  my goal is to avoid the internet...spend some quality time with e and friends and just hang out.  

which leads me to my lent "goals" - limit my internet time, try to spend more time and energy on relationships, read and find some quiet time daily...

so with that...happy weekending. 

yep...more politics

here's an interesting take on the responsibility issue that i rambled about last week and how the conservatives often see it. 

lent...

this week i've have had multiple conversations with friends that are "participating" in lent (i'm not sure what the proper term is) mostly because they are struggling with their certain "sacrifice. one friend mentioned to me that she knew of someone that was giving up reading for lent because reading was very important to her and this struck me as pretty odd because i could use a little more reading in my life.  and then i got to thinking about why is it that it always seems that lent involves bad things.  almost like it's a way to try and get rid of a vice.  break a habit if you will. 

and i'm just wondering...are we short changing the experience.  granted i've not participated in lent for a few years and have no real knowledge of how it "should" be done...so take it for what it's worth. 

i have a blog that i read every so often by a nun and i thought it might be a good source of info on lent...this was her post from last year.  here's a snippet.

It (Ash Wednesday and Lent) is a time of preparation, a time of freeing ourselves from the things that bind us and moving into a deeper relationship with God, our family and friends, and the Church community.

i think i have decided to avoid the giving up of things this year...or at least not beat myself up for not doing it...but i am going to make an effort to free myself from some things that bind me and keep me from looking for god.   i'm going to spend more time developing and deepening relationships with those around me.  i think i'm just going to try a little harder to be a christian. 

i found another statement on the said blog that made me stop and think.

Surrender is allowing God to embrace us fully.

maybe it doesn't have as much to do with my actions as much as it does with accepting the actions of others. 

third time's a charm...

and possibly a little heavy.  this is my third and final post of the day. 

i was getting ready for bed and i had an interesting, personal profound thought and generally i have these and think - i'll ponder them or post about them later - and then i forget so i decided to do it now. and i'm sleepy so if it's badly written or makes no sense...so sorry.

last week i was telling one of my new co-workers about my family and if you know anything about my family, you know the stories go on and on.  there's the drugs, the divorces, the long lost father, the drugs, the alcohol, more divorces and some jesus thrown in. anyway, i was telling e about this and we were discussing how good of a thing it is and was that i have a pretty rational personality, was born a goody-goody and had wonderful grandparents...otherwise it could have been bad for me.  my early years had all the makings of a very angry, rebellious person.  

but you know what...i'm not angry.  not at my father for choosing to not be my father at all.  not at my mother for passing on to me a crap load of issues.  not at any of them.  it's just the way it is and i'm ok with that.  there's hurt, sadness for lost relationships, some emotional baggage that will always be there but i'm not angry. 

in most cases, anger is slow coming to me.  

but i just realized something...i'm always angry at myself.  angry for being a failure, angry for eating too much, angry for not being good with money, angry for not being able to make decisions, angry for how the chicken turned out for dinner, angry that my pants are tight, angry that i don't sew more, angry that i don't walk the dog everyday...the list seriously goes on and on... 

and then i wonder...i have people in my life that i should have anger for but i don't but the one person that i should love and take care of the most gets it all.  

and so i ask myself...how do i change this? can it ever be changed?  do i really have anger for others and just mask it?  

just wanted to get that out.  i need to go to bed now otherwise i will be cursing myself in the morning when i drag myself out of bed.  

happy tuesday. 

my dog needs a treadmill

so a beagle won westminster...this must be some other type of beagle than my beagle because my beagle is neurotic and has the attention span of a two year old with ADD.

i'm just saying. 

i've only got three more days at the capitol and that might be why i'm cranky this week.  not because i don't like it or i'm ready to leave...or maybe i am ready to leave.  actually i think i'm just ready to settle in somewhere for a while.  make myself at home in a desk, take my new ikea lamp (because my old work lamps have settled in at home), make some friends, get back in a routine (which somehow makes me think i will eat better and exercise more), feel like i'm being useful...these are all things i'm looking forward to.  

oh and benefits and a bit more money. 

sorry...

i continue to make posts that refer to the election. i'm sure it's getting old to you because it's getting old in my head.

e showed me this video parody today and well, i thought it was funny. i've included both just incase you need it.

an interesting take...

on the election and the ever present abortion issue.

come on george...

“Prosperity and peace are in the balance, so with confidence in our vision and faith in our values, let us go forward … fight for victory … and keep the White House in 2008.”
—George W. Bush, Friday at the Conservative Political Action Conference.

really george? you believe this...peace and prosperity are in balance?

20 more things...

1. my first dog was named cindy
2. cindy was given away when my sister was born
3. i've never owned a cat
4. my favorite pizza is pepperoni, mushroom and onion
5. i never return books to the library on time
6. my sister is 8 years younger than me
7. i LOVE captain crunch cereal
8. i don't like yogurt
9. i don't like cottage cheese either...mostly because it weirds me out
10. i often fear that i am not living my life to it's full potential...whatever that means
11. i heart 80's music
12. i was on the debate team in high school...it's true i was a nerd
13. e and i met at the rose state bsu
14. i've become a fan of vodka lately...the flavored kind
15. my favorite beatles' song is "blackbird"
16. "blackbird" is also the title of the saddest book i've ever read
17. i have no friends from high school and i'm jealous of those of you who do
18. i hate folding clothes and taking out the trash
19. i enjoy making lists about myself
20. i think mushrooms are the best fungi around...good on pizza, salads, sandwiches...the list is endless

just some thoughts...random thoughts...

i've really been thinking a lot about politics lately...mostly because i've been knee deep in it due to the election and my stint at the house.  so i've come to the realization that i'm no longer a conservative and have some pretty ill feelings toward the conservative republicans out there.  mostly because i don't understand them (especially the christian ones), why they feel the way they do about healthcare, social services and putting all their eggs in the abortion basket.  i recognize they are generally good people but struggle with those who are different.  

anyway, i've been ranting a lot lately to friends and trying to come to terms with my ideals about some things...and i've come to no resolution and expect i never will.  but i read this editorial in the gazette and it helped me see some of the differences between us folks. 

it's interesting because i see a similar difference between my sister (who is eight years younger) and myself.  i was the child that got the "i had to work hard for what i have and you will too" work ethic.  whereas my sister got the "i had to work hard and didn't have much so i want you to have it better than me."  and i truly believe that these lessons have made us who we are...both good and bad.  but seeing those differences in rearing makes me understand her personality and approach to things a little clearer. 

i'm not completely sure what that means because i'm still a little bitter that she got a convertible honda del sol in high school and i had a buick skyhawk. but i'm trying to work on that. 

it all started with the cupcakes...

between e's dessert party and a little pms...i'm eating everything i can get my hands on this week. here i come next size up...

this week has been long and i'm really to wrap it up.

but i just found out that my friends in KC are welcoming me to town next weekend...ohhhh how i need a break from this town. 

weekend in review

week in review

i have accepted a job offer. a local architecture firm, approximately 1 mile from my house...a direct route on the bike trail and no need to cross nw expressway. 4.5 day work schedule. lots of windows. decent benefits. i'm feeling pretty good about it.

only two small concerns (aka worries)...did you think i wouldn't have any. 1. my previous architecture firm is likely going to blacklist me...meaning they'll talk about me, think i'm a traitor, blah, blah, blah. this seems like i'm being dramatic but they're serious folk about going to other firms. granted the three year gap might help me buffer some of this but they will be disappointed. but my take on it is...i need a good job and i can't please everyone. i must look out for me. 2. please consider this my super irrational worry of the day...both times i've been in that office, i've left with significant headaches. realizing i get a lot of headaches for various reasons, i'm trying to keep this in perspective. but then with my weird lot life, i just have this fear that i'm allergic to something in the office, like a mold farm in the conference room. i'm just saying, i've become so paranoid in my life and choices that the thought that i could accept a job in an office that makes me sick seems perfectly logical.

i am truly scarred from the last six months...i'm a little paranoid about living my life...always thinking whatever around the corner is probably bad. interesting...

i intended to include some other tid bits in this post but i have cupcakes to bake and floors to mop...the big e's back on sweets party is tonight so i got some business to take care of.

happy weekending. and please get your vote on...tuesday is going to be fun.