i need help.

my name is c and i'm an addict. 

i had a computer addiction prior to my new mobile laptop.  the problem has gotten worse.  is there a program for this? 

mark it off my worry list...

i just got off the phone with the employment commission and...

they ruled in my favor. woo-hoo. THE BAD PEOPLE LOST AND I HAVE SOME MORE CASH. yippee! i'm equally excited about both of those things.

really i'm so happy to have this past me. for now...i suppose they could appeal and if they do then i will continue to fight them even if i have the new gig and don't need payments.

THEY ARE BAD PEOPLE AND I WANT TO SPREAD THE WORD.

now i need to consider my revenge plan...

sigh.

i'm not sure if it was a good vacation or not but i did make an honest effort to relax and not worry this weekend.  actually today i had a difficult time trying to get out of holiday/vacation mode...but let's be honest, i don't have a job so it's not really that important that i snap out of it. 

in typical fashion for the jones'...we've had a small issue come up.  e has had some back problems off and on for years. it rears it's ugly head every 6 months or so.  well it decided to rear it's head christmas day. fortunately for him he had a stash of pain killers to get him through christmas day but today he has struggled a lot.  i'm not sure he's getting any better. double unfortunately for him, his only two days off were yesterday and today and they have been completely shot. and triple unfortunately for us, he is our primary breadwinner right now and he can't work.  

hopefully my unemployment will be reinstated soon...i received my paperwork over the weekend and the bad people are saying that i was fired because of my job performance and attitude.  they also reported that after i was fired they found that i had been using my computer for personal business.  oddly the person who wrote the letter stating that i was fired for the above reasons, also wrote and signed my reference letter.  i've turned in all of my paperwork and it seems very cut and dry to me but i'm not settling into the idea that it's resolved yet.  

but i am happy to report that i am slated to start a temporary job at the oklahoma house of representatives on january 7... after a power struggle between the democrats and republicans over my mad skills.  it's a long story that you will have to call me to hear...let's just say that's what sent me on my vacation. 

new topic. i've been thinking a lot this weekend about my mental state these days.  and i'm beginning to understand myself a bit better...isn't that what these rough experiences are good for after all?  i think i've always thought of myself as one that is prone to depression but i also think that i really suffer from some sort of anxiety issue.  i'm sure they are both linked, depression and anxiety...i just never thought of myself as suffering from an anxiety issue but the last few months have taught me otherwise.  at this point, counseling isn't really an option and meds are a last resort so i've checked out some books from the library that will hopefully offer me some insight.  often times i just need a little prompting to get my brain working to get through issues. 

so there you go. 

and lastly, my husband in true fashion did not follow our christmas rules and spent way too much money on my gifts.  i'm happy and somewhat conflicted to report that i am watching letterman and typing this long winded blog on my new little macbook. christie has gone mobile. 

happy thursday folks...the new year is almost here. 

i'm going on vacation.

a friend suggested today that i needed to go on vacation and honestly i would give my right arm to be somewhere else, away from my life. i'm tired, overwhelmed by my worry and just feeling very, very down. i wish i could just make my life stop for a day...to mentally catch up with the last few months, to pause the worry and self doubt, to simply feel a small bit of control of my life.

oddly enough i'm not a beach person but right now that seems like a very lovely place to be. warm. relaxing. a nice place to put my life on hold for a day or two.

unfortunately there is no beach in my future so here's my plan. between now and the big day...i'm going to try and step out of the past few months. i'm going to avoid the computer. avoid money issues. avoid the vast amount of uncertainty in my life right now. and i'm going to read, watch some movies, do something creative and bake some goodies.

merry christmas friends.

just a little help...

yesterday after interviews with two reps...i've been offered jobs by two reps. great. they were both very likeable and very different. so what am i doing? instead of recognizing how cool is that someone actually wants to hire me (because i've been a little down on my mad skills lately), i'm completely stressed about who i want to work with. i'm such a pleaser and don't want to upset anyone (people who i barely know)...yes i understand the absurdity of this. anyway, i also have an interview this a.m. for a state job that pays pretty decent...so then i begin the cash, no cash, live on the edge, avoid full-time clothes dilemma.

after i received my two job offers i said out loud...can you please just give me one choice...just one option. that will make my life a little less complicated and stressful (note my post from a couple of days ago...making choices, dealing with stressful situations=christie in a tizzy).

and i finally got the results of my typing test...63wpm no errors.

hot dog.

after 40 minutes on hold...

today i found out that yes, "those" people are appealing my claim for unemployment. they are claiming i was fired. i was told that someone would be assigned to investigate the matter, they would call the employer and find the reason for the appeal and then contact me for a response. it will take about three weeks to resolve and in the meantime, i won't receive any benefits. if they find that i am still eligible i will receive back pay for the weeks i missed.

so yeah. they suck.

i'm feeling fairly calm about the whole deal, not too freaked out about the money yet. i'm fully aware that could change in an instant though.

i have a couple of interviews at the house of reps tomorrow. and on wednesday i have an interview at the insurance department. honestly i'm not sure what i'm doing and have settled into the idea that i have very little control of this area. would i love to dive into the self employed, not so permanent employment...yes. do i really want to head back to a state agency, that i worked so hard to escape...no. do i have any control of my life...no. have any of my plans worked out in the last few months...no.

so i'm really just taking the spaghetti approach to my life...throw it at the wall and hope that something sticks. and if somethings sticks...i'll worry then.

just a little freaked out...

tonight when i filed my unemployment for the week online i got a message that stated something like "you're claim will not be paid this week because of a pending separation issue." and i'm completely in freak out/ worry mode.

should i be? no. but this is what i do...irrationally freak out and worry about things that are not worthy of worry. e thinks it's gotten worse as i've gotten older...the inability to just let things go until there is something substantial to worry about.

part of me knows that i should put this worry aside for the evening, go to sleep and call the unemployment agency tomorrow. ask some questions, find out what the problem is and then find a rational response. this part of me also knows that the pending separation issue will likely be easily resolved.

but then there's the crazy part of me...that is convinced that "those" people are appealing my unemployment and i'm going to have to deal with them...again. and that just annoys the crap of me and makes my stomach feel all jittery and nervous. i want them behind me...in the past.

it seems like my ability to deal rationally with stressful, uncomfortable or in some cases completely ridiculous things has escaped me. and i don't like it one bit. but luckily i have the small rational streak running through me that constantly reminds me of how i should be acting...nothing like adding a little more confusion to the craziness.

what everyone wants for their christmas tree...

you can get your very own obama christmas tree ornament.

so i don't appear to be endorsing any candidate...i offer you some alternatives to your presidential paraphernalia (i would like to note that i had no idea how to spell that word and am not sure i've ever had to spell it in all of my 32 years).

over at the clinton camp you can get one of these...













or you might prefer the foam mitt...















or the rudy rhinestone pin...











and i've saved what i thought would be the best for last...but i'm sadly disappointed. ron paul folks are everywhere or at least their big fat signs are all over the place but their "goods" are really pretty standard and boring. the best i could come up with were choose liberty wristbands...that's so lance armstrong 1995.

shopocalypse 2007...

i just thought this was fun...



it's video day at my house.

go see this...a fun, quirky little story.

a couple of realizations...

1. as i made my way around post ice apocalypse okc...i decided that many, many drivers need to return to drivers ed. no one knows what to do at a stop sign...no one waits their turn...no one follows the to your right rule. electricity and traffic lights need to be restored because i'm afraid there's going to be some serious road rage if not.

2. as i was perusing the liqour store today looking for some hard cider (thanks mel for the tip)...i realized i could finally put kalua in my coffee at 10am...i don't have to hide in a flask conveniently shaped like a stapler. i've somehow missed this beautiful benefit of unemployment.

and for those of you worried that i'm on the road to alcoholville...i still have some rasberry vodka ...i'm just moving on to the warm beverages for the winter.

stay warm out there...or at least try to get warm because i hear snow terror 2007 is quickly approaching.

you may or may not know...

that i'm sort of a christmas nerd. every year we have christmas tree day that always involves going and getting a tree and eating mazzio's (it's a long standing tradition that started with rings and wings). we always go look at lights. there are christmas movie nights.

but we're super nerds when it comes to christmas music. we have a huge collection and generally will listen to it conisistently through the month.

anyway, i out myself to tell you that i've bought two christmas cds this year that i love...

an oldie and my new favorite. i could potentially listen to this year round...very relaxing.













i generally steer clear of this guy because he's just a little too indie for me but i was intrigued by this album (a mixture of originals, christmas tunes and old hymns). i'm pleasantly surprised.

ice apocalypse 2007

wowza...this has been a crazy few days. we lost power, got power, lost power, got power...we were down for about 12 hours total but it eventually stayed on for good. there is a very special vulnerability that comes with no electricity. both of our parents are down and both of e's brothers...i feel pretty lucky to come out of this unscathed. unfortunately a couple of trees in my yard have taken a beating.













































but i must admit the ice was pretty...and please notice our obnoxious sized lights on our house.

other than the ice drama not much has been going on. nothing on the job front. i've been doing a little freelance stuff. i really want to bake some cookies but need a plan to get rid of them. i'm slowly finishing up shopping. my wrapping is caught up. i continue struggling to find some structure in this unemployed madness.

wow.

i've been quiet this week.

things are good. i'm trying to find some structure in my unemployed status...which is harder than it might seem.

today i finally made it to a 9am aerobics class and i'm wondering why i don't participate in classes more often...it's more entertaining, you're less likely to quit early and it's a good workout. i'm pretty sure i can feel my muscles getting sore right now. my goal is to get up at a decent time hit a class (aerobics or water aerobics) and come home and get some stuff done.

the echo is home, i still don't have a job and we put some obnoxious light on our house this year...good times.

by the way, has your mother called to warn you about the impending storm...she has me all paranoid and i feel the need to go to the store. wood, water, non perishable food items...ice storm 2007 is on it's way.

happy weekending.

nooooooooooo...

so today i'm walking through target looking at some dress pants...(quick tangent)

because  i have an interview tomorrow at the state house of representatives and honestly i'm not sure if any of my dress clothes will currently fit me and i didn't have the heart to face it...because i'm having a good week and just couldn't bear it today.  (back to original thought)

anyway, i'm strolling along and pick up some wide leg pants and crap on stick...they are pleated. pleated as in 1999 pleated...i actually spoke to the woman standing beside me...i couldn't hold it in...i said, are these really pleated because i thought pleated were out.  and she said, me too and they're out for me...i'm not buying them. 

is this another fashion rewind that is going to force me to date myself...because i'm never going back to skinny or pleated pants.

wow.  i'm in an uproar about this...can you hear me roaring? 

anyway, tomorrow at the house.  my unemployment is good to go (fingers crossed). the tree is up.  the echo should be home on wednesday. i'm feeling pretty good these days. now if i could just avoid eating the dreaded cookies in my kitchen.