i think i'm moving...

my blog.

come see me over at my new digs.

cranky_c is in the house...

oh somebody is cranky today...i'm going to contribute it to my girlness but i swear it came out of nowhere.  

work is super busy this week, really i'm just having to work hard while i'm working.  which is hard to get used to as a former state worker.  not overtime...yet. 

i continue to be interested in twitter...i've been getting snippets of friends lives that i otherwise wouldn't know.  so those of you non-bloggers or the non-consistent ones...get on twitter so I know what's up. 

the only other topic today is this crappy weather...geez i thought it was spring.

just a big ole hodge podge...

so i've been missing around here lately but fear not...i have lots of random tidbits to pass on. 

my friends in kc have recently joined the twitter club and being the follower i am...i had to join too (so let me know if you get on the twitter train).  i read a blog about twitter and tornadoes recently that i thought it was fascinating...we are living in a new world friends.  unfortunately, me and you would be dead because twittering on my phone is just funny...i can barely text much less access the internet via my crappy phone. 

unless of course my mother gets me that iphone for my birthday.

if i only had hula hoop workouts think of how good of shape i would be in.    

a post from my favorite blogging nun about happiness. i found the comments the most insightful.  as you know, me and happiness go round and round...i tend to think these days that happiness occurs in snippets or glimpses and you just have to take them when you get them.  life is hard and most of it is fleeting and i wonder if we could just embrace that idea, we might enjoy the experience a bit more. 

and because i'm a nerd...i want one of these. 

after having a conversation a few weeks ago with hippie stephanie, i've been thinking about my connection with food a lot.  these ponderings originated with discussion of my love of baking and finding alternative ways of using ingredients.  ie. my love of the vegan cupcake cookbook even though i'm not a vegan.  and i've come to the conclusion that this comes from my grandmothers influence on me as a child and this influence is both good and bad.  this woman cooks like no other and there are some foods that just take me back to my childhood and bring me joy, comfort, contentment.  but i also think these feelings also make the the little piggy i am today...looking for those same emotions.  but anyway, i digress.  so a week or so ago i was at the library and stumbled across the book "starting from scratch," which is basically the authors memoir tied in with recipes of her family.  very interesting...it very much resonates with me as i think about the influence of food on me. 

so that's enough of that...things are good.  the job is good (despite my twittering last night which should have said "working sucks" because it clearly interferes with me time).  i'm really busy and am having to consciously work to not get overwhelmed. i'm trying to get outside and exercise as much as possible these days...i'm not sure the summer clothes are going to slide right on otherwise. i'm thinking about taking a knitting class soon...i feel the itch to learn something soon.  also, trying to figure out how to get out of town...my tax refund is trying to spend itself before it's even arrived.  i took my vitamin today and i've got 29 minutes to get to bed...i think i might just make my goals today. 

a little busy as of late...

things have been a bit hectic lately at the jones house...and here i am posting and it's already 11pm.  i've decided this week to set two goals for myself...one, take my vitamins (will be placing a note on my monitor at work) and two be in bed by 11pm at the absolute latest.   you see i have many more goals, actually hundreds more goals but i tend to get overwhelmed and attempt none of them so these are my two feasible ones...vitamins and 11pm. and guess what i'm failing miserably tonight yet i keep typing...

ok, now i just feel like big doof...rambling on and on about failing my goal and not doing anything to stop my failure.

so i'm stopping...lord willing i will be back tomorrow...i have things to ponder about...so many things. 

happy monday friends. 

wow.

i can't even comprehend how this happens in this country...so many extremes in so many areas.

Only 1 of 2 students graduate high school in US cities: study

Tue Apr 1, 2:45 PM ET

Three out of 10 US public school students do not graduate from high school, and major city school districts only graduate one out of two students, according to a study released Tuesday.

In a report on graduation rates around the country, the EPE Research Center and the America Promise Alliance also showed that the high school graduation rate -- finishing 12 grades of school -- in big cities falls to as low as just 34.6 percent in Baltimore, Maryland, and barely over 40 percent for the troubled Ohio cities of Columbus and Cleveland.

And it said that black and native American student's have effectively a one-in-two chance of getting a high school diploma.

"Our analysis finds that graduating from high school in America's largest cities amounts, essentially, to a coin toss," the study said.

"Only about one-half (52 percent) of students in the principal school systems of the 50 largest cities complete high school with a diploma."

Based on 2003-2004 data, the report said that across the country the graduation average for public school students is 69.9 percent, with the best success rate in suburbs -- 74.9 percent -- and rural districts -- 73.2 percent.

Asian-Americans score the highest graduation rate, at 80 percent, with whites at 76.2 percent and Hispanics at 57.8 percent.

Women graduate at a much higher rate than men, 73.6 percent to 66.0 percent.

In the country's city schools, the study found that in urban areas generally, just 60.4 percent graduate, and in the principal school districts of the top 50 cities, barely half graduate.

Detroit, Michigan's main school district scored a graduation rate of 24.9 percent.

New York, the country's largest city, has a graduation rate for its main school district of 45.2 percent, and Los Angeles, the second largest, of 45.3 percent.

Only five of the principal school districts topped the national average.

round two...

so this week we had our second round in small claims court and it was pretty entertaining. in case you don't know why we're there...e's band had some individual agreements drawn up years ago to protect different parties from financial issues if something happened with the band. for example, e purchased/financed the band's van and an agreement was signed by all members of the band that stated the band would make payments and if it couldn't then van would be sold and any deficit would be paid by the members of the band (e included). well, we had to sell the van recently because it wouldn't run and we ended up with a $3000 deficit. the old drummer who left the band about a year ago signed this agreement and has refused to pay his $1000+ hence the reason we are in court.

the first round consisted of a pompous attorney who made accusations, lied and pretty much denied all obvious facts. a very bizarre, frustrating experience. and we had to go back this week to present more evidence regarding the value of the van and did we sell it at a reasonable price. sigh. below is an email that i sent to my friend/attorney who is currently vacationing in cabo...so it's written in a letter format but should give you the overall idea. she has since told me that in the 30 years she's been practicing law she has never heard of anything like this. imagine that...

recap starts now...

Again, they came in with all sorts of random accusations that in most cases conflicted with each other. But I had a much better idea this time of what his approach would be so I had all sorts of things there to refute his accusations. You would have been proud of me because there were a couple of times I was able to just shut him down. For example when he made the point that T was not contacted about the sale of the van and that T wanted to be included in the choice. I promptly pulled out the letter that you had written him that clearly stated the van was going to be sold and there would likely be a deficit. It really was sort of like chasing my tail, their logic was just insane.

I produced documentation from our mechanic stating what work needed to be done on the van at sale (our mechanic was supposed to come but didn't show up) and all service records on the van. I also had trade-in and retail values. E's dad also came to testify about the sale and payoff of the van. We also had invoices for auto work that the church (current owner) has already done on the van. These were also very handy to have.

They had a witness who owns and operates a used car lot. He basically provided NADA values and stated that we sold the van for far less than it was worth. But he had only seen pictures of the van. He spoke a lot about the wholesale process which seemed rather pointless to me because I'm just an individual selling a car. At this point, the judge starts making them nail down a value and the cost to repair. They basically state the van in fair condition is worth $4500 and to fix it would cost around $2500. Both Tommy and the attorney state that they would pay $4500 for it. The judge seems very interested in this.

I'm starting to get a little confused at this point because my selling price was based on the fact that $3000 in repairs were going to have to be done and I'm not sure what's going on. I'm about to make the point that these numbers are all relative and the judge stops me. And calls me the one who talks a lot and asks me if we win this case do I think we will ever see the money. And I say no. And he says neither do I so I'm going to try to make this easier for you.

He then tells me that I need to subpoena both the mechanic who helped sell the van and the pastor of the church who purchased the van. We need to talk to the pastor and if we can convince him to sell the van the defendants have stated they are willing to pay $4500 for the van in its current state. This money will reimburse the church their initial cost, the repairs they'e made and give us the money we're suing for (plus some). He told the defendants to bring their check book because his ruling wouldn't be a judgment it would be a transaction.

end of recap...

as we left the courtroom, everyone had a blank look on their face. i partially still do. i think we're winning. e and i have come up with the analogy, it's kind of like we're winning the race but we haven't quite won it and we can't claim victory. someone compared it to obama today...

the more i think about it, i think the judge is trying to force their hand. possibly encourage them settle, but they are stupid and prideful and my guess is they are willing to buy that van. which is so funny because this is thing they have been running from...all connection to the band but they could potentially own the band's van. with a bad transmission and 230,000 miles.

but seriously, this has gotten weird.

the next showdown takes place on the 17th. you should come watch, there could be blows this time. or crying when they pay way too much for a crappy 15 passenger van.

i'm still alive...

it's just been a busy week.

coming soon...small claims court round three.

blah, blah, blah...

i need a vacation.

i know that i'm getting older when the idea of warmth and laziness are my dream get away.

but instead all i get is high winds. i guess i can at least enjoy the stinky bradford pear trees and lovely purple flowers.

what would jesus buy?

yesterday i was at barnes and noble and there was a display of children's easter books. i would guess that out of the 15 books on the table (granted i was amazed that there were so many easter kid's books) only one had a reference to jesus...all others were eggs and bunnies. mind you, i'm not the most religious girl these days...i never go to church, i do try to pray and remain somewhat reverent to the big guy but often fail miserably but i must say this easter stuff is out of control.

i just read this...
Last year, the National Retail Association estimated Americans would spend $135.07 on Easter, 11 percent more than in 2006, for total holiday spending of $14.37 billion. And 1.9 mil on candy alone.

holy smackers...that's a lot of cadbury eggs. it's like the easter bunny is the new, spring santa. i wonder who will become the summer santa? uncle sam?

happy easter. jesus loves you. 

movie baggage...

so tonight i finally saw "the hottest state" and it was pretty good. it was interesting and thought provoking to me...not necessarily the broken heart/love story stuff but the family baggage that the main character carries with him. and how it affects him as an adult...i suppose as he's learning what to do with it all. and well this resonates with me. just yesterday i was talking to one of the many pseudo counselors/friends in my life and we were discussing my parents so it's fresh on my brain. in the clip below he mentions not having a connection to anything and sometimes i feel that way...and i think it's often self-inflicted. dealing with connections (aka relationships) are generally painful things. it's almost like, as i travel through my life, if i can avoid dealing with certain things, i avoid emotional pain. in my mind they are kind of like exposed nerves...it doesn't really bother you until it becomes exposed to the elements and then all you want to do is cover it back up. and never open it up again (ie. avoid connections).

but let's be honest, how productive is that in life. not so much.

anyway, you should check it out.

as if...

i didn't have enough sources for random facts and information...my lovely friend stephanie (who was hired and fired within a week of me) introduced me to "good" magazine today.  and it might be the coolest, most inspiring mag i've seen in a really long time.  so check it out...www.goodmagazine.com.

and here are some of the interesting tidbits i found in my first flip through the hard copy (and these are also on the web site).  

How many starving artists have wished that merely by painting a plate of food, they could make one appear? The New York designers Justin Gignac and Christine Santora have found a way to do just that. Creators of the website Wants for Sale—and its charity-oriented sibling, Needs for Sale—the couple simply illustrates something they want, be it Buffalo wings, next month's rent check, or "instant street cred," and sell the Lichtensteinesque canvas online for the item’s exact cost ($12.70, $1,056.07, and £1, respectively—the last available only for purchase by Charles Saatchi himself).

There's a refreshing certainty to this way of valuing art. As Gignac says, "It takes the subjective out of it. We don’t make the prices—the companies do." And it has turned out to be an excellent vehicle for giving. With a price floor of $100, the Needs—a sink donated to Habitat for Humanity, footballs for Toys for Tots—have sold even more briskly than the Wants.

www.needsforsale.com
www.wantsforsale.com

and i am a believer is this...

Take a quick glance at a public school in New York, and it would seem as if government painters were restricted to a very limited color palette. Publicolor, a New York City–based nonprofit organization dedicated to brightening the walls of inner-city schools, is betting that kids learn better when their schools are painted a bright sapphire instead of an institutional gray.

Trained as an industrial designer at the Pratt Institute, Ruth Lande Shuman started Publicolor in 1996 after noticing how many schools in Harlem resembled prisons. The organization has since painted nearly 200 schools and community buildings (police stations, pediatric wards) across the five boroughs. After the painting, teachers and students say they feel safer; graffiti and violence also decrease. In each school, the students do the redecorating, learning useful painting skills in the process. "I want our youngsters to paint their way out of poverty," Shuman says. "I want them to paint their way through college."

www.publicolor.org

and i found this on my own...for those of you do gooders who carry your re-useable bags (which i suck at) this is for you. 

thanks for the inspiration today sj...

happy weekending friends.  spread some love. 

the end of the world is near...

today my mother told me that she really liked osama, i mean obama's race speech.  she thought he seemed very nice and was impressed.  she also said that she wasn't sure about mccain because he makes her nervous. 

seriously...my jesus loving, republican mother is saying good things about a democrat...there is some sort of shift in the universe taking place. 

and i'm scared. 

today was a better day.  not quite as much crying.  and tomorrow is friday.  and then it's saturday. and i will sleep late. 

today...

i cried multiple times for no reason. i'm completely feeling overwhelmed but can't figure out why.

i'm guessing it has something to do with settling in at the new job, a trip back to small claims court, doing my annual tax duties for both that annoying band and myself, hatred for winter, and the prospect of spending every day this weekend with family.

but seriously it was a bad one...i'm just going to say it's been a bad week. i've been cranky for a few days and today the tears just started appearing.

i need a break and quite possibly a drink.

feeling...

rather down and out today. 

not sure why but i'm in a complete funk.  

better yet...

tell my mom i want one of these for the celebration of my birth. 

i would go for the big daddy kitchen aid but let's be honest my mother is too cheap for that. and i have very little storage.  but seriously tonight i had a wild hair to make homemade green cupcakes from scratch and ai yi yi i have a clear understanding why betty crocker mixes have become the staple of all american households...you add some milk, an egg and maybe some oil and you're done.  you take the homemade route and your sifting things, and adding and mixing, pouring and adding and mixing...  all the while trying to hold a hand held mixer and getting covered in white powder. i can just see it one day while trying to be domestic my bowl is going to fly across the room because i'm pouring and mixing and well, it's going to be ugly. 

and honestly the cupcakes are just all right...my guess is betty's would have been just as appreciated by my co-workers.

so i'm sort of depressed tonight.  i really am enjoying my job but i think i'm lonely there.  i don't really have any friends and i'm not sure i've really been making an effort. which is odd because i'm a pretty social being and generally i'm all over making new friends but i figure i'm a little gun shy after starting about five new jobs in a pretty short period of time...so i'm trying to be nice and encouraging to myself to get out there and make some friends.  or at least bribe them with my sub-par green cupcakes. 

this weekend was ok.  the wedding was friday and it was a complete bore and slightly annoying for various reasons.  while getting ready, i was honestly trying to figure out how i could slip some liquor in for the reception.  i know i've joked about taking a flask to work on occasion but that's always been somewhat in jest...but friends i was serious about this wedding. i think i'm going flask shopping for future occasions like this. 

in other news this weekend - saw the movie penelope.  e got some sort of food poisoning/stomach bug. i went to steve and barry's for some bitten shopping...everything is $8.98 right now.  took a few walks. went to the farmer's market.  it was a good one. 

must wrap up my cupcake making now.  

happy monday. here's a pinch for you.

a fairly extreme view...

but a nicely done concept.

warning: turn the volume down or listen with headphones. seriously.



this might seem like a random question but what projects were blown up?

good week.

this was a good one. e came home. i've hung out with a variety of friends. work has been good. the sun is shining. only one minor drawback, i'm fighting some illness. it's not the infamous croup/flu epidemic of 2008...just a little throat bug (fingers crossed).

i am ready for the weekend though...i could use a little rest to fight off said bug. and our crazy friend tracy is marrying his crazy girlfriend so i'm expecting a crazy wedding.

here's some randomness for your friday.




for the poopy pants out there.

i could not have these around because i would constantly want a chocolate dipped cone. unfortunately i have no idea what the description says but it does speak the universal i love ice cream language.

poor sally kern's assistant...could you imagine picking up this phone call.

just a hodge podge...

in case my mom asks i want one of these bags for my birthday. 

and if you were wondering about my chicken usage (thanks for the suggestions), i opted for the fajita route. some onions, peppers, garlic, mushrooms and four chicken breasts.  i didn't even cook all six...i knew there was no way i would eat them all.   i was able to eat four meals of basic fajitas (wheat tortilla, cheese, sour cream) and one small pizza (pita, cheese, pesto, mushrooms and spinach).  and still managed to throw out a serving or so.  i've been thinking this could be a good lunch options during the week...make some fajita meat and eat on it all week. 

really...worse than terrorism?  geez lady.  i really need to get out of this state.  i worked down the hall from her office...oh her poor assistant. 

i forgot a l/h.

l: bagged baby leaf spinach - yummy with so many options

h: the fact that i can never use a whole bag without it getting all stinky and gross. 

e is coming home tonight.

work is good. busy but good. and our insurance kicks in on april 1. woo-hoo.

this sounds like the funnest thing ever...and i'm not even a dancer.

hillary has lost her mind. 

hot dog...

it's 6:03pm and i'm going for a walk in the sunshine.

a peek inside my insane brain...

i do believe i am stuck somewhere between half-full and half-empty.  it depends on the day, depends on my mood and often can sway back and forth within seconds.  so tonight when i was thinking about how much i heart the dollar movies and then promptly thought of why i hate the dollar movies...and then proceeded to make a list in my mind about the many things that bring me great pleasure and their counterparts.  so here goes...the loves (l) and hates (h).

l: the dollar movies

h: 1) when you are in one of those itty bitty theaters...you know the ones that have a valley.  it's all good until you end up in the valley or the uphill closest to the screen. 2) or when you're in the big theater and there are rows and rows of empty seats and the family of four with a seat kicker sits directly behind you.  seriously folks, there's a nice lady by herself at the dollar movies...she obviously is not a lover of people. do not sit directly behind her. 

l: cupcakes

h: poundage

l: weekends

h: sunday nights

l: the transition seasons - hope for the future, lovely weather, santa is coming

h: office clothing dilemmas.  it's not spring enough for sandals but you are sick and tired of knee highs.  do you commit to a pair of transition shoes or just freeze your toes?

l: blonde highlights

h: the never ending roots battle

l: sleeping really late on sunday morning

h: not being able to sleep sunday night and monday morning being a horrible, grumpy ordeal

l: my husband

h: his ability to dirty so many things.  and his inability to notice the trash overflowing

l: the internet

h: wasting hours and hours of my time

(random tangent here - has talk of global warming really led us to asking these questions...it's like a weird futuristic movie where al gore has the last laugh.)

holy mother of sunshine...

spring has shown itself and i am giddy with delight.

some fun things...

i found online today. this is why i heart the internet.

"A fascinating exhibit exploring color opens at MoMA this week. But don't worry if you can't make it to the show, the accompanying website captures the flavor of the show with a lovely, polychromatic interface designed by the MoMA team in cooperation with interactive firm Render Monkey."

not only is this site super cool, it's a great interactive art exhibit.

ohhhh and this so awesome...

happy change your clocks weekend...woo-hoo.  more sunshine for everyone. 

el pollo...

i have the big package of chicken breasts that i need to cook...it's a long story but when originally purchased it should have been broken up into two separate servings but it wasn't and i thought i would use it this past weekend, now it's thawed and e is gone and i'm lazy and have a crap load of chicken breasts to use.  so i was thinking that i could probably find a casserole of sorts that would be super easy to make and would feed me for the next few days.  so i start poking around the internet and i stumble onto the below recipe...seriously are you trying to break the record for most number of ingredients. jiminy christmas. if a recipe calls for more than 8 ingredients...i'm out. but really if anyone has a suggestion let me know...i'm looking some fiber and veggies..or things that i at least have in my kitchen..

Cowboy Chicken Casserole
Recipe courtesy Emeril Lagasse,
2 pounds skinless, boneless chicken breasts
2 1/2 cups chicken stock
1/2 cup dry white wine
1/4 cup coarsely chopped fresh cilantro leaves
1 1/2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
2 garlic cloves, smashed
1 teaspoon black peppercorns
1 1/4 teaspoons salt
1/4 teaspoon dried Mexican oregano
2 bay leaves
6 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 pound white button mushrooms, wiped clean and stems trimmed, quartered
Pinch freshly ground black pepper
4 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 1/2 cups whole milk
12 cups tortilla chips
2 cups finely chopped onions
1 cup finely chopped bell peppers
2 jalapeno peppers, stem and seeds removed, finely chopped, optional
8 ounces grated Pepper Jack
8 ounces grated Cheddar
1 tablespoon Emeril's Southwest Seasoning, recipe follows
2 teaspoons chili powder
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 cup chopped drained canned tomatoes
1 (4-ounce) can diced green chiles, drained
Combine the chicken, chicken stock, wine, cilantro, lime juice, garlic, peppercorns, 1 teaspoon of the salt, the oregano, and bay leaves in a medium saucepan and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to a simmer and cook, uncovered, for 10 minutes. Remove from the heat and allow the chicken to cool in the poaching liquid for 45 minutes. Remove the chicken from the cooking liquid and tear or cut into bite-size pieces. Reserve the chicken. Strain the cooking liquid and reserve.
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

Heat the butter in a large skillet over high heat until foamy. Add the mushrooms, the remaining 1/4 teaspoon salt, and the black pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until the mushrooms release their liquid. Continue to cook until the mushrooms are golden brown and all the liquid has evaporated, about 6 minutes. Sprinkle the mushrooms with the flour, stir to blend, and cook for 1 minute. Add the milk and stir, scraping up any bits from the bottom of the pan. Cook until the mixture begins to thicken. Add 1 1/2 cups of the reserved chicken cooking liquid, stir, and cook until very thick and flavorful, about 10 minutes. Remove from the heat.

Place the tortilla chips in the bottom of a 9 by 13-inch glass casserole. Crush the chips with your hands so they form a thin layer on the bottom of the dish. Pour 1 cup of the reserved cooking liquid over the tortilla chips and allow them to soak up the liquid. Scatter the chicken over the top of the tortilla layer. Spread the chopped onions, bell peppers, and jalapenos evenly over the chicken. Top with half of the grated cheeses. Sprinkle with the Southwest Seasoning, chili powder and ground cumin. Spoon the reserved mushroom mixture evenly over the top of the spices, then top with the tomatoes and green chiles. Cover with the remainder of the cheeses. Bake uncovered for 40 to 45 minutes, or until the cheese is bubbly and the casserole is heated through. Let sit for 5 minutes before serving.

Tip: This casserole may be prepared in advance and frozen until ready to use. Simply allow it to thaw 1 day in the refrigerator and come to room temperature before baking.

Emeril's Southwest Seasoning:
2 tablespoons chili powder
2 teaspoons ground cumin
2 tablespoons paprika
1 teaspoon black pepper
1 tablespoon ground coriander
1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
1 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon dried oregano
Combine all ingredients thoroughly.

not quite judge judy...

i can't muster up the energy to do an indepth post about my trip to small claims court. but i can tell you that not much was resolved, we have another court date in three weeks, i've cursed more today than i think i ever have...and well people suck.

is it possible to just accept that people suck? and if you can accept it...is that a good thing? because if i could come to terms with some things in life...life would be much easier and less of a downer.

i'm so dramatic.

more weekend please...

this weekend was quite busy and i don't feel remotely rested. here are some highlights...

haircut
purchase of two birthday gifts and one shower gift
wedding shower
incredibly large meal eaten
birthday party
driving too many miles
watching ufc (still baffled by that)
talk of niece or nephew on the way
trip to see dad in the ER (all is ok)
not enough sleep
political commentary all around

i've been a little stressed today...i'm still settling in at the new job. it's good and i'm enjoying it but i'm still getting in the groove and i'm a little freaked out about it. plus we are heading to small claims court this week and i'm completely annoyed by the whole thing. e is leaving town for about a week. and i still have a bunch of tax crap to do...ahhhhahhhahaha...i hate living in my head.

let's everyone try to calm down, keep things in perspective and have a lovely monday.

and is there really a possibility of snow...wtf?

what i miss...

walks outside. tonight after work i went for a short jaunt around the neighborhood and it was quite nice. it seems that for months we've been fighting ice storms, torrential winds, cold, cold and more cold. and guess what? i'm ready for spring and it better get here soon or i'm going to go bonkers.

just a warning.

tomorrow is friday and i am happy. but not as happy as i would be if it were a friday in mid-april.

all is well at the new gig. except for one minor things. there are a few super duper negative people that complain a lot about management. what's up with the complaining about the company to the new folks...uncalled for really. i told one lady today that i worked for a state agency and i'm completely familiar with the b.s. factor...so i wasn't too concerned about it. it's just kind of annoying to me because i'm not stupid...i know that when you have five principals there are going to be a plethora of issues and personalities and conflict is always going to exist...you really don't need to point it out or ask me if i've noticed.

i'm just saying.

well i'm off to bed. happy friday friends.

bad news...

no i haven't lost my job.

no i wasn't in a car accident.

no i don't have to replace anything major.

no the sky isn't falling.

but sadly, we won't be going to see judge judy.

unfortunately our enemy in small claims land refuses to go because he's an idiot (and so is his wife). apparently their attorney has advised against it. the producer from jj's show claims that their attorney must be incompetent because most attorneys encourage it because they don't have to pay anything regardless. it's a win-win for them, plus a trip to LA, plus a few hundred dollars, plus hanging with jj...idiots i tell you. idiots.

sorry folks...you will not get to hear about the adventure with judge judy after all.

but next week we do officially head to small claims court...wish us luck. i'm a little weirded out by it all really but i think that's mostly because i don't like conflict and uncomfortable situations. but such as life.

this new job is going good. the workflow has been steady and nothing major has fallen upon my desk yet. everyone seems nice and no major red flags have gone up yet. can you read the slight paranoia? but i am remembering the things i love about private companies...today i found out that there was a taste test held for our office coffee. meaning different types of coffee were made and tested and then the winner (seattle's best in this case) became our official coffee. now if i could just get them stock liquid creamer.

also i have been assigned to the employee event committee...next week we are taking a field trip to taste potential food for our christmas party. and on friday morning we have a staff meeting with different HR presentations and then lunch from Ted's.

oh and one other thing that i'm excited about. we are going to help a museum in okc look for funding to do some renovation work on their building and we are going to work on helping them get a grant...we are meeting with the center for non-profits tomorrow morning. this is good because i would like to get some grant writing experience under my belt and this is a good chance.

sorry that was a bit too much rambling about the job...

and anyway, i need to be on my way. i'm again having a hard time sleeping this week, i swear, i just like the pm hours too much. 9-11pm are my best hours and then by the time i wind down...it's 1am. and as much i like to live in denial...i'm old and i need sleep.

so i have to start my winding down now...sweet dreams.

yea for once!

the song from "once" just won the oscar for best original song. if you haven't see "once"...you should see it too.

a movie weekend...

i think after our long week of sickness and newness we needed a pretty low-key weekend and that involved a few movies and of course the oscars.

friday we caught a matinee (thanks to my 4 1/2 day work week) of "be kind, rewind," a fun, little quirky movie.



and thanks to a free coupon from redbox we watched "michael clayton" - sort of like your typical dramatic, lawyer movie but not really.



then we found a copy of a documentary about an obscure christian band called the danielson famile who has been around for years and played a big role in the early days of sufjan stevens. and since we are some seriously nerdy music folk we bought the dvd at the hollywood video store that is going out of business. the trailer for the doc is pretty bad so i'm posting a video instead.



and on a side movie note...we watched "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" last weekend. this isn't typically the type of film that i watch...i don't like violence, sadness, death, scary things in general...but you should watch it. beautiful and haunting.

something else to add to my list of weirdness...

you may or may not know that e and his one remaining band member are suing an old band member who refuses to accept some financial responsibility. we have a small claims court date scheduled in a couple of weeks.

well today we got a phone call from a producer at the judge judy show. it is possible that we could appear on the judge judy show, airing our grievances (aka dirty white trash laundry) on national tv. if we are picked and everyone agrees it involves a trip to LA, all the fixings and if the judge rules in our favor the settlement will be paid by the show within 30 days.

so bizarre.

another random, weird experience that is absolutely priceless but unfortunately doesn't have a place on a resume...kind of like working with steven baldwin or lobbying in washington dc. this band has been at times a huge pain in the arse but it continues to surprise me by the interesting highlights.

happy weekending.

do you ever...

realize that your tense and breathing very shallow?

and not know why?

then it hits you that your stressed about something but can't remember what it is.

this just happened to me...it's 12:20 in the a.m. and i'm stressed about something and can't remember what it is.

there is seriously something wrong with me.

e's slowing recovering from the croup...and i have a scratchy throat....nooooooo not a scratchy throat

....maybe that's what i'm worried about...

must go back to bed.

so sleepy...

i'm not sure if it's the croup floating around my house, the trauma of the new job or my nine hour work days but i am soooo beat tonight. 15 more minutes and i'm off to the couch.

yes the couch. which might be another reason i'm beat. e has spent the last two straight days laying in, coughing in and contaminating in my bed. and i do not want to be that close to those germs so i spent last night on the couch. which also means that my dog insisted on being on the couch. funny thing about my dog...he gets mad when you touch him when he's sleeping. he growls, growls louder and then all out barks...this happened twice last night. sometime around 2 and 4. i move, he growls, i move just to piss him off, he growls louder, he barks, finally leaves and then hops back up two minutes later. i make him get off and before i know it in my sleepy state he's back and he's growling. the dog has too much power.

and right now i'm too tired to even think that i'll do anything about it.

anyway, tonight i will be back on the couch with some tylenol pm...the sleepytime can't handle it.

other than my zombie like state, e's insistence that he's sick and my dog's annoying personality...all is well.

one more thing...

today was a lovely reminder that there are interesting, lovely places to work in...as opposed to the crap hole that those crappy people made me work in. 

i shall refer to those crappy people no more.  they are dead to me. 

and nine hours later.

i survived.  it was a good first day. i'm tired and pretty sure i'm on the edge of sickness but otherwise all is well. 

sadly that's all i got. 

take some airborne for me.

the croup.

e's got the croup or whatever illness everyone keeps passing around. 

i'm saying prayers, crossing my fingers and could potential overdose on airborne. 

my first day is going pretty smoothly.  nice office space.  plenty of cool pens.  a goody basket to kick off the day. a four minute commute.  lunch at home.

sigh. 

wish me luck.

i really wasn't worried about the new job until today...but that's what a five hour car ride will do...give a girl time to worry and fret.

i shouldn't say worry, maybe just cause a little anxiety. 

i'm off to drink some extra sleepy time tea and then bed. 

thanks friends in kc for the weekend fun.  those of you off celebrating the presidents tomorrow...have a good one. 

the end of an era.

the end of my era in politics is wrapping up tomorrow.  after a month of hanging out with charlie and the republicans it's time for it to come to an end...and you know what...i'm glad.  i went into this job knowing that it could become frustrating and i think i've started becoming just that.  there's the game playing, extreme views and the overall sense that the world revolves around that place.  and you and i know that it does not. 

so i will say goodbye tomorrow glad to have the experiences (and free food) but also glad to move on.

monday i start the new gig and am looking back on the last few months and feel relieved. relieved that we survived a lot of drama, relieved that i'm feeling good about things again and super relieved that we've come out financially ok...actually with some extra money.  and i really don't know how it happened.  so i'm just going to say a word of thanks and be on my merry way.

tomorrow evening we are heading to kansas city to see some friends.  no big plans are on the agenda and that sounds quite lovely.  my goal is to avoid the internet...spend some quality time with e and friends and just hang out.  

which leads me to my lent "goals" - limit my internet time, try to spend more time and energy on relationships, read and find some quiet time daily...

so with that...happy weekending. 

yep...more politics

here's an interesting take on the responsibility issue that i rambled about last week and how the conservatives often see it. 

lent...

this week i've have had multiple conversations with friends that are "participating" in lent (i'm not sure what the proper term is) mostly because they are struggling with their certain "sacrifice. one friend mentioned to me that she knew of someone that was giving up reading for lent because reading was very important to her and this struck me as pretty odd because i could use a little more reading in my life.  and then i got to thinking about why is it that it always seems that lent involves bad things.  almost like it's a way to try and get rid of a vice.  break a habit if you will. 

and i'm just wondering...are we short changing the experience.  granted i've not participated in lent for a few years and have no real knowledge of how it "should" be done...so take it for what it's worth. 

i have a blog that i read every so often by a nun and i thought it might be a good source of info on lent...this was her post from last year.  here's a snippet.

It (Ash Wednesday and Lent) is a time of preparation, a time of freeing ourselves from the things that bind us and moving into a deeper relationship with God, our family and friends, and the Church community.

i think i have decided to avoid the giving up of things this year...or at least not beat myself up for not doing it...but i am going to make an effort to free myself from some things that bind me and keep me from looking for god.   i'm going to spend more time developing and deepening relationships with those around me.  i think i'm just going to try a little harder to be a christian. 

i found another statement on the said blog that made me stop and think.

Surrender is allowing God to embrace us fully.

maybe it doesn't have as much to do with my actions as much as it does with accepting the actions of others. 

third time's a charm...

and possibly a little heavy.  this is my third and final post of the day. 

i was getting ready for bed and i had an interesting, personal profound thought and generally i have these and think - i'll ponder them or post about them later - and then i forget so i decided to do it now. and i'm sleepy so if it's badly written or makes no sense...so sorry.

last week i was telling one of my new co-workers about my family and if you know anything about my family, you know the stories go on and on.  there's the drugs, the divorces, the long lost father, the drugs, the alcohol, more divorces and some jesus thrown in. anyway, i was telling e about this and we were discussing how good of a thing it is and was that i have a pretty rational personality, was born a goody-goody and had wonderful grandparents...otherwise it could have been bad for me.  my early years had all the makings of a very angry, rebellious person.  

but you know what...i'm not angry.  not at my father for choosing to not be my father at all.  not at my mother for passing on to me a crap load of issues.  not at any of them.  it's just the way it is and i'm ok with that.  there's hurt, sadness for lost relationships, some emotional baggage that will always be there but i'm not angry. 

in most cases, anger is slow coming to me.  

but i just realized something...i'm always angry at myself.  angry for being a failure, angry for eating too much, angry for not being good with money, angry for not being able to make decisions, angry for how the chicken turned out for dinner, angry that my pants are tight, angry that i don't sew more, angry that i don't walk the dog everyday...the list seriously goes on and on... 

and then i wonder...i have people in my life that i should have anger for but i don't but the one person that i should love and take care of the most gets it all.  

and so i ask myself...how do i change this? can it ever be changed?  do i really have anger for others and just mask it?  

just wanted to get that out.  i need to go to bed now otherwise i will be cursing myself in the morning when i drag myself out of bed.  

happy tuesday. 

my dog needs a treadmill

so a beagle won westminster...this must be some other type of beagle than my beagle because my beagle is neurotic and has the attention span of a two year old with ADD.

i'm just saying. 

i've only got three more days at the capitol and that might be why i'm cranky this week.  not because i don't like it or i'm ready to leave...or maybe i am ready to leave.  actually i think i'm just ready to settle in somewhere for a while.  make myself at home in a desk, take my new ikea lamp (because my old work lamps have settled in at home), make some friends, get back in a routine (which somehow makes me think i will eat better and exercise more), feel like i'm being useful...these are all things i'm looking forward to.  

oh and benefits and a bit more money. 

sorry...

i continue to make posts that refer to the election. i'm sure it's getting old to you because it's getting old in my head.

e showed me this video parody today and well, i thought it was funny. i've included both just incase you need it.

an interesting take...

on the election and the ever present abortion issue.

come on george...

“Prosperity and peace are in the balance, so with confidence in our vision and faith in our values, let us go forward … fight for victory … and keep the White House in 2008.”
—George W. Bush, Friday at the Conservative Political Action Conference.

really george? you believe this...peace and prosperity are in balance?

20 more things...

1. my first dog was named cindy
2. cindy was given away when my sister was born
3. i've never owned a cat
4. my favorite pizza is pepperoni, mushroom and onion
5. i never return books to the library on time
6. my sister is 8 years younger than me
7. i LOVE captain crunch cereal
8. i don't like yogurt
9. i don't like cottage cheese either...mostly because it weirds me out
10. i often fear that i am not living my life to it's full potential...whatever that means
11. i heart 80's music
12. i was on the debate team in high school...it's true i was a nerd
13. e and i met at the rose state bsu
14. i've become a fan of vodka lately...the flavored kind
15. my favorite beatles' song is "blackbird"
16. "blackbird" is also the title of the saddest book i've ever read
17. i have no friends from high school and i'm jealous of those of you who do
18. i hate folding clothes and taking out the trash
19. i enjoy making lists about myself
20. i think mushrooms are the best fungi around...good on pizza, salads, sandwiches...the list is endless

just some thoughts...random thoughts...

i've really been thinking a lot about politics lately...mostly because i've been knee deep in it due to the election and my stint at the house.  so i've come to the realization that i'm no longer a conservative and have some pretty ill feelings toward the conservative republicans out there.  mostly because i don't understand them (especially the christian ones), why they feel the way they do about healthcare, social services and putting all their eggs in the abortion basket.  i recognize they are generally good people but struggle with those who are different.  

anyway, i've been ranting a lot lately to friends and trying to come to terms with my ideals about some things...and i've come to no resolution and expect i never will.  but i read this editorial in the gazette and it helped me see some of the differences between us folks. 

it's interesting because i see a similar difference between my sister (who is eight years younger) and myself.  i was the child that got the "i had to work hard for what i have and you will too" work ethic.  whereas my sister got the "i had to work hard and didn't have much so i want you to have it better than me."  and i truly believe that these lessons have made us who we are...both good and bad.  but seeing those differences in rearing makes me understand her personality and approach to things a little clearer. 

i'm not completely sure what that means because i'm still a little bitter that she got a convertible honda del sol in high school and i had a buick skyhawk. but i'm trying to work on that. 

it all started with the cupcakes...

between e's dessert party and a little pms...i'm eating everything i can get my hands on this week. here i come next size up...

this week has been long and i'm really to wrap it up.

but i just found out that my friends in KC are welcoming me to town next weekend...ohhhh how i need a break from this town. 

weekend in review

week in review

i have accepted a job offer. a local architecture firm, approximately 1 mile from my house...a direct route on the bike trail and no need to cross nw expressway. 4.5 day work schedule. lots of windows. decent benefits. i'm feeling pretty good about it.

only two small concerns (aka worries)...did you think i wouldn't have any. 1. my previous architecture firm is likely going to blacklist me...meaning they'll talk about me, think i'm a traitor, blah, blah, blah. this seems like i'm being dramatic but they're serious folk about going to other firms. granted the three year gap might help me buffer some of this but they will be disappointed. but my take on it is...i need a good job and i can't please everyone. i must look out for me. 2. please consider this my super irrational worry of the day...both times i've been in that office, i've left with significant headaches. realizing i get a lot of headaches for various reasons, i'm trying to keep this in perspective. but then with my weird lot life, i just have this fear that i'm allergic to something in the office, like a mold farm in the conference room. i'm just saying, i've become so paranoid in my life and choices that the thought that i could accept a job in an office that makes me sick seems perfectly logical.

i am truly scarred from the last six months...i'm a little paranoid about living my life...always thinking whatever around the corner is probably bad. interesting...

i intended to include some other tid bits in this post but i have cupcakes to bake and floors to mop...the big e's back on sweets party is tonight so i got some business to take care of.

happy weekending. and please get your vote on...tuesday is going to be fun.

just like gossip girl except...

ok, so i'm knee deep in the speaker drama going on at the state capitol.  not really knee deep because i'm not running for anything, i always file my taxes, and i don't think i've ever had late property taxes...but still i find it very, very riveting.

so my rep. refuses to choose sides or at least he's not claiming a side.  and everyone wants him on their team so for last few days there has been a constant flow of people courting him and trying to get him to commit. 

overall it seems quite junior highish.  and funny. 

and i've stumbled across a blog recently that is an insiders view on state politics. i would list it here but i'm somewhat paranoid and don't want charlie to find out i'm a liberal.  but anyway...it's not an anonymous blog but there's always posts that say things like "an anonymous source" or "our sources at the capital" or "insiders" and it just seems so hush, hush

but it reminds me of gossip girl...i wish there were scandalous photos taken with extra cool cell phones and every post ended in xoxo gossip girl.  that would be so awesome. 

 

anyway, within a matter of one day one guy was slated to be in and then a few hours later it all falls apart because of late property taxes.  and then more politician crap hits the fan.  and all the while i'm just sitting at my desk wasting the day away. 

i really find it funny.  and sort of bothersome that these are the folks running my state's government.  

but that's enough of that.  i told charlie the news today and he took it ok.  i don't really think he was that surprised...i think he knew i was a little bit overqualified for the job.  the plan is to hang out until the 14th and then start the new gig.  tomorrow i'm meeting with the new folks to go over a little more stuff (insurance, procedures, etc...) just to get a better grip.  unless i discover something completely life shattering i'm just gonna sign up for it and not look back. 

by the way, in case you don't know...looking back isn't helpful in the least. 

oh and i went to a luncheon at the governor's mansion today...he spoke and they had yummy mashed potatoes. it was a good time. 

and to close this random post...i've had a hard time sleeping this week thanks to my worry habit and one of my new, almost old co-workers told me about a tea called sleepytime extra and said it was great and would help me sleep. so i'm sipping on some now and doubting it's ability (and guessing typing this close to bed and sipping my tea probably isn't a good idea). but i'm going to give it a whirl and the funny thing is that i'm sort nervous after reading the box and some info online. 

Caution: 

Recommended for adults only. If you are taking prescription medication, pregnant or nursing, consult your health care provider prior to using this product. Persons with allergies to the daisy family may be sensitive to chamomile. Do not drive or operate machinery after consuming this product. Do not combine kava kava products with alcohol. Simultaneous consumption may strengthen intoxication. We recommend that you use no more than 4 tea bags per day.

and this was a review online -

This is a great product. Valerian has two side effects, one being it makes you tired and the other is it keeps you awake. This won't work for everyone but when it works it works.

if i post another blog at 3am...you'll know why.

still sighing...

but things are a little better today.  i'm still anxious but when am i not...really? 

today i got a job offer. it's at a local architecture firm that's about a mile from my house.  i'm getting the money i asked for. they seem like nice people and i think it will be a challenge.  yet not so much a challenge that i will loose myself in it.  you may or may not know that i get very absorbed in things and then i fret and worry and stress and end up completely unhappy.  just ask e...he knows this routine.  so i decided years ago that i needed to be in a place that allowed me to still have my life and my sanity. 

this job probably isn't an ideal career move but let's be honest i think careers are overrated.  sure they look good on a resume and make your peers jealous but when it's all said and done i just don't care.  i want to pay my bills, make the most money for least amount of work, feel good about myself and actions at the end of the day and have some fun.  

my goal this days is to earn some money and get out of this hole that we are in.  that would be the semi post-band, life in limbo hole.  the hole that keeps me tied to this place...i mean that both figuratively and literally.  

and hopefully i will still be able to dabble in the graphic design stuff, get e into school and then we can cross the self-employed bridge in the future. 

so there.  i'm not going to finish my time out at the capital and that makes me sort of sad...but not sad enough to take away the worry that i've had lately.  i'm meeting with the new folks on friday to cover a few more questions and then i think the deal will be sealed.  in the meantime i have to tell super nice charlie...and i'm not looking forward to that.  he is going to be disappointed and i don't like make people unhappy.  sigh.  but i think i'm just taking the band aid approach tomorrow. just rip.  don't pause. don't think about it.  just do it. 

hopefully this is the end of this saga. maybe now i can get back to worrying about everyday things.

sigh.

i'm struggling today.  i seem to do ok for a couple of weeks and then i just get overwhelmed by this job stuff.  there are money issues that involve insurance, the future and the ability to pay my bills in the long-term.  and then there's the job search process which is just the most humbling experience possible.  send your resume...wait. get a call...wait.  go to an interview...wait.  all the while worrying and fretting if you will hear something and what you will do if you do.

actually i was talking to e about the interview process today and he compared it to trying on clothes...nothing ever feels quite right.  and then i decided it was like trying on bathing suits.  they might fit ok but then i start to overanalyze it, look at the hips, wish my boobs were bigger, beat myself up that i don't exercise more.  but in an interview it involves my answer about my previous employer, or the joke i made about al gore, or do i really want to work with five partners...it just goes on and on. 

all i'm saying is...it's tiring and i'm struggling this week.  it will pass. all will be well. 

i know that i just need stop worrying about it and put on my bathing suit and go swimming.  

today i learned...

so many lessons as of late. 

i'm going to worry whatever happens.  i used to always think that my worry and anxiety was tied to an event but actually it's just tied to me. 

today i got word that someone that i interviewed with last week was checking my references.  good, right?  so then i get an email that another employer wants to meet with me.  both of these are good things...i don't have a full-time gig, i need a full-time gig...either of these could be my answer. 

but no.  i start pondering my options and it completely freaks me out.  i end up in a horrible, sighing mood for the rest of the day.  and i'm back to fearing that i will make a bad decision. either of these, which keep in mind neither of these has been offered to me, would be a good job.  one might be funner, one is closer, but all in all, either would be a great thing.

so why can't i just see it as that.  why must it get so out of control in my head?  oh wait, i know because that's how my brain works and i just need to use my coping, "be in the moment" skills but it's just so hard.  

and plus things have gotten incredibly boring for me at that capital so i just had a ton of time to think about things. 

but i did talk to the capital chaplain.  yes, there is a chaplain that roams the halls daily checking on us.  i asked him what his thoughts were on god having a plan for our lives.  he gave me a pretty standard response but then he said something that stood out to me.  he said that he tends to judge his decisions by what brings him peace.  and that he thinks that our path really isn't a path but really is living your life by using your spiritual gifts.  and he recommended a book on discovering your spiritual gifts.  anyway, i thought it wasn't interesting take on things. 

anyway, i fret a lot and i'm 96.2% sure it's pointless.  

there was a line in the movie bella that stuck out to me.  "I used to worry.  Then I did a little research and found out that ten out of ten people die."

well aren't i glad i spent my day in a tizzy.  

i can just see it...

(to my boss) i'm sorry i didn't get my work done today...i just couldn't help it...i had to play with the big colorful balls of yarn.  it's your fault for having such fun things laying around. 

what i learned this week...

i am no longer a conservative.  

this may not shock you but it really shocked me.  i have some conservative moral beliefs but politically i am clearly on the left side of the fence. 

and for some reason this was a difficult thing to settle into.  i'm guessing it has something to do with my long baptist, gotta be a conservative republican christian background...but funny thing is i've been an independent for years.  i'm guessing independent wasn't as big of a jump as liberal.  it's bizarre and makes no sense to me. 

one thing i've learned this past year...

i'm not very honest with my family about some of my beliefs.  in some ways i let them think i'm a really good conservative that follows all the "rules."  which is probably one of the reasons i have a hard time having a healthy relationship with my family. 

so today i made a decision to try this honesty thing.  we were hanging out with my family and long story short...i told my dad about the mlk/obama march.  it just about killed me.  why, i'm not sure. but i have a guess.  a month or so ago i was talking to a friend about the weird relationship with my mother and it occurred to me that although i'm not incredibly close to my mother and for the most part am not friends with her...i feel this tremendous need to gain her approval and have her like me.  which i suppose is natural but this often leads to me not being honest about myself.  i think if i'm honest it will lead to disapproval.  and it's mostly all in my head. 

so i'm trying.  trying to be more honest.  trying to live fully in my own skin. 

and you know what...it wasn't so bad.  no one shunned me.  no one screamed. eveyone was ok. 

now that's some heaviness for your monday morning.  have a good one. 

40 things about me...

i'm just following the fuston train.

1. i prefer white cake over chocolate
   
2. i've been married for 11 years
   
3. i have completed a full and half-marathon
   
4. i need to lose about 10lbs...quickly
   
5. at one point in my life i had seven sets of grandparents (thanks to many divorces)
   
6. my stepfather was the best man in my parent's wedding (long story)
   
7. i have three half siblings 
   
8. i love fruit desserts
   
9. i don't really like apples
   
10. people often mistakingly call me cindy
    
11. my first car was a $1200 buick skyhawk
    
12. i have no musical skills but love music
    
13. i wish i could paint pretty pictures
    
14. i'm addicted to coffee and the internet
    
15. i have both really good and really bad luck with no rhyme or reason
    
16. the thought of nyc makes me happy
    
17. sadly my cup is generally half empty
    
18. i need to eat more fruit and vegetables
    
19. and drink more water
    
20. i was born a goody-goody
    
21. i thought this list would be easy, i was wrong
22. i read about 25 blogs daily
23. my first job was a grocery store cashier...i have some mad 10-key skills
24. i find baking relaxing...probably because there is warm baked something at the end. 
25. i don't sleep enough
26. my father has been a drug user most of his life
27. i wish me and my family understood each other better
28. i should probably see a counselor regularly
29. my wrists are very small compared the rest of my body
30. the last book i read was by anne lamott
31. once upon a time i was a good baptist
32. i think i'm a kind person
33. i am introverted
34. i should go to church tomorrow but i probably won't
35. i love willie nelson...and the reason why escapes me
36. i own way too many bags and coats
37. i am kinda unemployed
38. i would cry if my ipod nola died
39. text messaging baffles me
40. i find shopping at thrift stores therapeutic

u2 fan or not...

you should really see this. we had to take a short drive to tulsa to catch it at the imax but it was so worth it. hopefully it will make it to closer theaters soon.

wow is all i can say.

i heart the dollar movies...

caught this at the dollar movies tonight.



a different kind of love story.

job hunting sucks.

just needed to vent to someone or something. it's late. and i'm getting depressed.

i should go to bed.

(to self) no need to beat yourself up. you are a great worker and have great skills. all is well. plus charlie thinks your great.

barack the vote.

today we participated in the mlk parade downtown.  it was a good time. 

thanks george. thanks a lot.

i am a believer.  i consider myself a religious person. i have some pretty conservative beliefs but the thought of having another george in office just wears me out.  actually it scares me.

don't wear what i wear...

really. 

i'm no fashion guru. i have very limited taste.  i like very classic looks but need something to stand out.  i don't want to draw a lot of attention to myself, just a little bit.  and sometimes i think this goes horribly awry.  me and e are a lot a like.  we are both very picky but some might wonder why or how.  

but i want to talk some fashion. 

in december e and i went to a movie.  i think it was as the ice apocalypse of 2007 was wrapping up so there was still a lot of snow and ice around.  anyway, while at the mall i noticed two girls wearing flip flops.  and my first thought was WTF? is there not snow on the ground?  and then i caught myself and realized that i am old.  if the stupid 19 year old wants cold toes...fine. it's not my problem.  maybe to the teenage population she doesn't looks stupid.  

earlier this week as i was walking out the office i noticed a girl in a skirt wearing sandals. and i mean summer sandals.  and this wouldn't be a big deal if it was above say 50 degrees and not january.  i was speechless and the practicality was just spewing out of me.  this was a professional, walking out of the state capital and she was wearing summer sandals.  i promptly called my fashion forward friend amy...just to make sure i wasn't losing my mind and that sandals didn't somehow become winter friendly.  

and then the next day i saw a girl wearing a skirt with heels and no hose.  at least her toes were covered i suppose.  i understand hating hose...that's why i don't wear skirts between mid-october and mid-march. 

and now for my final rant.  since i've gone back to nice clothes work and conveniently moved up a size i've had to get a few new items.  plus, i'm really not sure what i wore last winter because i own about three sweaters.  anyway.  as i've been perusing around i've been checking out boot sales...and i really want to like boots.  they're in, sexy and when worn right are just cool.  but i just can't commit to them.  it might be an issue with my big calves but that's another story. 

i just want to know...those of you out there wearing the skinny toe boots...can you still feel your toes?  because i would have to cut my toes off to wear them.  again, this might be due to the fat calves and wide feet my mother passed onto me. 

i'm just saying...don't listen to me because i'm getting old. 

just some randomness...

i read about these in a blog a few weeks back and for some reason the thought of them makes me me feel like i need to stretch my toes.  especially now that i'm wearing dress shoes again. but that is a high price to pay for stretched toes. 

a neti what.  so a few months back i saw an episode of oprah...one with dr. oz who either inspires me to be healthier or feel horrible that i'm not healthy enough. anyway i saw the segment on neti pots and decided to give one a try seeing that i'm always taking something for allergies and sinus issues.  i read an article recently (that for some reason i can't find again) about how that one episode has created an huge interest in neti pots and they are all the rage now.  i've not used mine consistently enough to determine if it's doing anything but the article also mentioned that it can relieve dark circles under your eyes...and well that's another issue of mine.  so i'm currently on my fourth straight of day of the neti.  yes...vanity is what drives me.

i'm not one to generally promote health and beauty items...mostly because i'm pretty lazy about health and beauty items but i love this lotion.  i had some light eczema awhile back and my doctor suggested this lotion and it worked wonders.  just wanted to pass it on.  it's not very fancy or sexy lotion and it smells pretty lame but it softens wonderfully. 

this seriously the lamest post i've ever done but i just wanted to talk about the yoga toes and my favorite lotion.  

really...

i'm not ok with this. 

worry is...

today's mice nibbling on tomorrow's cheese. 

as useless as a handle on a snow ball.

like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere. 

annoying. 

today i got a rejection letter in the mail from an insurance company.  in addition to losing my job a few months back, i also lost my health insurance.  so now i'm in search of health insurance, and unfortunately (or fortunately) i know that i have a strange blood disorder and have received treatment.  and since i listed it...they refuse to cover me.  

wow. i continue to be amazed at how much life has changed over the last 6 months. 

wow. 

one of my favorite worrying activities...making lists.  for those list makers out there. 

another one bites the dust...

weekend that is.

i'm heading back to the capital tomorrow. there really isn't much to report. it's pretty boring right now, my rep is barely there and there's no training whatsoever. i'm really just flying by the seat of my pants...such as life these days.

this weekend has been pretty frustrating. on friday night my back started hurting really bad (you might remember my last back pain stint was back in 2006 and lasted months). anyway, i basically spent the weekend taking it easy which the annoyed the crap out of me. i still have christmas stuff sitting in my dining room that i haven't been able to put up because of random weekend ailments. but my back is feeling a little better, i feel as if i can stand up straight now. stretching...it's all about stretching and i've been pretty lazy lately.

so there.

also, i've been trying to eat better and have done good this week...until today. i swear today i have a tape worm hanging out in my belly. i just keep eating. but i'm remaining calm and rational. tomorrow is a new day.

anyway, this post seems dreadfully boring to me...

happy monday.

so tired...

i'm beat today. i don't think i've been sleeping well and i'm still battling this cold. i need a day off...sigh. i'm going to bed in a few.

i had an interview today...i think it went well but time will tell. part-time, full benefits. it would be a good find.

as much as i really want to be the free spirited kind that goes from job to job trying different things, soaking up the experiences...it really stresses me out. stressed if i do this, stressed if i do that, stressed just to be stressed.

1 point hillary, 1 point obama. this is going to be interesting.

and where did mccain come from. we are a confused and divided country.

rotunda what? where?

so i survived my first day and honestly it was pretty uneventful.  i saw my rep for about 5 minutes.  and he told me he might be in tomorrow, might not.  i guess for the next few weeks it's going to be hit and miss.  which means that i got nothing going on...oh wait there were the three RSVPs he asked me to send in.  i had to wait on one though because i'm not sure of his meat choice. 

but in all it was a good day.  i met some lovely ladies...i'm assuming there are men assistants but i've yet to meet one.  one thing i noticed was the incredibly broad range of assistants.  they literally range from early 20's to...i'm going to guess 70's.  

at this point, i'm really not sure what's in store but i'm guessing it's going to be interesting. 

speaking of interesting.  i have received two job phone calls this week. i suppose everyone is heading back to work and finally following up on resumes sent in november.  i'm going to check both of them out because as much as i would love to hang out at the capital, a long term gig with benefits is still an interest for me.  

we'll see.  tune in next time for as the world of my employment search turns. 

but i do hear we will get lots of free food and goodies at the capital.  it's the perk that everyone talks about. 

speaking of food.  i've officially stopped counting points.  i just can't do it.  it sends me into hoarding mode and i usually only last a day and a half.  so i'm just trying to eat less. avoid the fast food.  limit my cookie intake. only eat two pieces of pizza.  so really i'm just trying to eat less.  novel concept, eh?  i figure my point counting experience can be somewhat utilized when weighing options or getting an overall feel for the day but i can't do wholeheartedly...i just go nuts. 

blah, blah, blah...i eat too much.  same story.  different day.

a friend recently mentioned to me that she had thought about what it would be like to explain gastric bypass to someone in a third world country...think about it...it's bizarre. 

sleepy time...another day awaits. 

 

back to life.

i'm heading back to work tomorrow. i'm somewhere between...excitement and dread. such as life in my head. the dread is mostly from the thought of putting on dress clothes. tight dress clothes at that.

i'm still a little sick and took a nap this afternoon...i had a list of things to do and none of it got accomplished. but i know that if i want to nap...i really need it because naps don't come easy to me. anyway, i'm heading to bed tonight at a decent time...hopefully my nap won't interfere with my beauty sleep. wow this is riveting today.

here's a little flashback to kick off your monday.

rip.

today i went to a funeral.  my dad's (aka stepdad's) older brother died. 

funerals are interesting, especially the generic kinds, where the pastor didn't know the deceased, the lovely "get to know jesus" speech and the little handouts with thomas kinkade paintings on the front. 

and they are always an event that make you ponder your life, how your living, and what you should be doing. i haven't really experienced much death in my life...relatives here and there but not anyone who has tremendously affected me in their death. and i'm just waiting because i know it will come and you can't really prepare.  well you can try but that generally ends in my stressing and crying over something that isn't reality...never a healthy activity.  so i'm a little scared of it. 

and i think most of us are.  it's death afterall.  but should we be?  because we know coming in that we just spend the rest of the time preparing to check out.  is there a way to embrace that? and if you could embrace it would it lead to living a more fulfilling life? if we could recognize that this is a short ride and we are merely a blip...with a footprint on this earth of about 100 years (our lives and our closed loved ones and friends)...would i worry about the stupidness of things in this life. 

so i wonder is it possible to live in a world that is controlled by the dollar and requires things and housing and insurance...but also not get so caught up in it that i can take full advantage of my brief time here.  

i've spent the last fews months with turmoil going on in my head about things that are fleeting. completely fleeting. do i have to pay bills?  sure. do i need a job? it's helpful.  but all is well. and it will be well.  life is life and it will go on.  

i'm just saying.  i need to work on keeping perspective. 

rip jack.  i hope you find more peace in your current home than you often found in this one.  

local news story of the day.

Man stabs another man with pork chop bone

in celebration...

of my last week of no work.

i've decided to get sick.

yippee!

because we are predictable.

e and i (along with the rest of the world) are jumping back on the "eat healthy, count points" bandwagon.  we decided that if we do it together we are definitely more likely to stick with it.  so far today i've done good with the slight exception of the shortbread cookie i just stuck in my mouth.  these are cookies that we received in a tin for christmas, i think e received them from his mother which is funny because e hasn't eaten desserts for three years.  anyway, i love shortbread cookies and will likely have to throw these away because they will haunt me.  and for prepackaged, in a tin cookies they are yummy.  

and today my opinion that women get the short end of the stick on pretty much everything in life was confirmed yet again...we determined our allowable points this morning.  e gets more points for his weight alone than i get in an entire day.  and men get a ton of wiggle room just because of gender.  errrr...so this is what i foresee being a typical day.  it's dinner time and i have 6 points left for the day which will get me a ground turkey taco...just barely.  e on the other hand will have 23 points to end the day with...again more than my entire total for the day. 

rant, rant, rant...

but in an effort to encourage a little weight loss i went to the gym today and listened to LCD Soundsystem.  and i must admit it was a great listening experience, helped me pick up my speed, made me want to boogie and is just good fun.  so i'm sharing a little with you because we all need more good fun.

really just listen...it will be fun.

balloons...lots of balloons.

happy new year friends.  here's to love, contentment and joy in the new year.  and a few more balloons.