rip.

today i went to a funeral.  my dad's (aka stepdad's) older brother died. 

funerals are interesting, especially the generic kinds, where the pastor didn't know the deceased, the lovely "get to know jesus" speech and the little handouts with thomas kinkade paintings on the front. 

and they are always an event that make you ponder your life, how your living, and what you should be doing. i haven't really experienced much death in my life...relatives here and there but not anyone who has tremendously affected me in their death. and i'm just waiting because i know it will come and you can't really prepare.  well you can try but that generally ends in my stressing and crying over something that isn't reality...never a healthy activity.  so i'm a little scared of it. 

and i think most of us are.  it's death afterall.  but should we be?  because we know coming in that we just spend the rest of the time preparing to check out.  is there a way to embrace that? and if you could embrace it would it lead to living a more fulfilling life? if we could recognize that this is a short ride and we are merely a blip...with a footprint on this earth of about 100 years (our lives and our closed loved ones and friends)...would i worry about the stupidness of things in this life. 

so i wonder is it possible to live in a world that is controlled by the dollar and requires things and housing and insurance...but also not get so caught up in it that i can take full advantage of my brief time here.  

i've spent the last fews months with turmoil going on in my head about things that are fleeting. completely fleeting. do i have to pay bills?  sure. do i need a job? it's helpful.  but all is well. and it will be well.  life is life and it will go on.  

i'm just saying.  i need to work on keeping perspective. 

rip jack.  i hope you find more peace in your current home than you often found in this one.