where to begin...

well i made it home. no major traffic mishaps, i didn't kill my good for nothing father and my grandma saw the beach (and pointed out she would much rather go to the lake).

i'm not sure how much i want to go on about this trip. sometimes i think it's best to leave these things alone especially if they are after the fact. i had hoped to possibly resolve some issues, gain a new understanding or even just spend quality time with the family. but i don't think any of these things happened through the trip. if anything, it had a negative impact. generally i see my grandparents and paternal family in a very controlled environment (in their house on beaver mountain in eastern ok). in this case, i spent time with them in an environment very foreign to them and this is what i found out - my family are seriously white trash racists. yes, racists. i'm not exactly miss non-racists - i have my stereotypes - i tense up when i see a group of black teenagers - i know it's wrong and i should react differently and i tell myself this - but i'm pretty sure my family doesn't have this little light go off in their head. they just say these completely inappropriate things as if they are completely acceptable. i was mortified. i had no idea.

and my father. he sucks. i'm just going to leave it at that.

but some positives -

i saw my two brothers, which i enjoyed greatly. and i think they were glad i came so that made it worth it.

i stopped at carl's corner. i had no idea this place existed. yes, i know this makes me white trash but i can't help it - I LOVE WILLIE NELSON. and now i have my very own "bio-willie" bumper sticker.

i read the book that catie recommended, "the prize winner of defiance, ohio" and i really enjoyed it. i had some struggles with the mom staying with the abusive husband and not having her independence, etc. but it was interesting considering it was another time and mindset. but i was watching some political show yesterday and it came to mind again. the commentators were talking about hillary clinton running for president and what would need to happen with good ole' bill. would they need to set some groundrules? hey bill, you need to keep your hoo-ha under control for awhile. anyway, the question came up - would women frown upon hillary for staying with a man who has obviously wandered multiple times and shown little respect for their marriage. and one of the commentators said that she thought that women would support hillary for staying in the marriage, working through the difficult times, etc. i was shocked that any liberal woman in the u.s. would say that. i don't really have much else to say about it - just thought it was interesting in relation to the book set in the 1950's. have women really changed all that much?

my grandpa told me that he was proud that i went on the trip. when i asked why, he said that he likes us to spend time together - it makes him happy. my grandma told me she was tickeled that we all went. these are good things.

more to come i'm sure...hope everyone had a nice weekend. back to work tomorrow. stink stink stink.