a warning...

i am feeling very rambly and emotional right now so this could be a long, annoying post...

i've had a couple of things bothering me or at least causing me to ponder the last few days. plus eddie is gone today so i have lots of time to think. so here goes...

first, i went and saw the physical therapist this week about my back (side note - i can get a referal to see a chiropractor). at one point during the appointment he made the statement that "yes, most back problems are caused by stress" which led me to ask have people always been stressed and trying to not be. OR is this really just a modern problem we have in the great ole' US? you really don't hear about the farmer back in the 1880's stressing about things - maybe they did. they always had crops to worry about but was it like we worry. did they consider getting massages, working out, yoga, or meditative breathing? i know they did harder work than most of us do. i'm just curious...do you think we have created this stress bubble we all seemed trapped in. has consumerism, capitalism and the american dream caused us to expect too much from our lives. did the farmer or skilled tradesman back in the day expect to always like his job (or for that matter ever like it)? was he concerned that his plow was as good as the neighbor down the road? or was he just concerned that his family was healthy and fed?

i just feel so foolish whining about being stressed and having a hard life. and i ask myself what am i stressed about? a job. a job pays my bills and there is nothing there even remotely getting upset about...yet i do. money...money is so stupid...if i don't have it...it's because i've blown it on mexican food and shoes. health stuff...yet i continue to eat badly and not take responsiblity for the things i know i should do. i just worry about it and eat a cheeseburger. i must start living in the moment and be responsible for my emotional responses to things. i can't always stop worrying but i'm pretty sure i can try harder to train my responses.

i just wonder if we ever really appreciate the goodness of our lives...and is that everywhere, all the time? but seriously, read this article and tell me that we aren't doing something wrong.

second, i've been thinking about my eating habits. i realized yesterday i have good eating days and bad. really no in between. which got me thinking. i have changed some of my eating habits - just enough to not gain weight. but if i don't get better at this eating game...one day i will gain weight back. i do not have control of my emotional eating and i still gravitate to food that is bad for me. and it is so overwhelming the thought that i will literally be fighting with food the rest of my life. i will always want something that is bad for me...always. so i think it's time for me to focus again, maybe seriously count points, make myself accountable, find some kind of balance. i know i had balance and control when i lost 30lbs...i just need to find it again. a funny thing, the more i thought about my bad habits, the more crap i ate. suck.

i've found some blogs that are really interesting to me and honestly i'm glad that there are so many people out there like me that have the same struggles. i've been enjoying a particular blog lately. the blog has a book club and the "group" is reading "Overcoming Overeating" by Jane R. Hirschmann and Carol H. Munter. i think i'm going to look into it...it looks interesting to me. but anyway, one topic they are discussing is - does dieting create compulsive eating rather than cure it? something to think about it.

today a walk with the dog. tomorrow the 10k. 3 weeks til the race.

thanks for stopping by.