i'm going to worry whatever happens. i used to always think that my worry and anxiety was tied to an event but actually it's just tied to me.
today i got word that someone that i interviewed with last week was checking my references. good, right? so then i get an email that another employer wants to meet with me. both of these are good things...i don't have a full-time gig, i need a full-time gig...either of these could be my answer.
but no. i start pondering my options and it completely freaks me out. i end up in a horrible, sighing mood for the rest of the day. and i'm back to fearing that i will make a bad decision. either of these, which keep in mind neither of these has been offered to me, would be a good job. one might be funner, one is closer, but all in all, either would be a great thing.
so why can't i just see it as that. why must it get so out of control in my head? oh wait, i know because that's how my brain works and i just need to use my coping, "be in the moment" skills but it's just so hard.
and plus things have gotten incredibly boring for me at that capital so i just had a ton of time to think about things.
but i did talk to the capital chaplain. yes, there is a chaplain that roams the halls daily checking on us. i asked him what his thoughts were on god having a plan for our lives. he gave me a pretty standard response but then he said something that stood out to me. he said that he tends to judge his decisions by what brings him peace. and that he thinks that our path really isn't a path but really is living your life by using your spiritual gifts. and he recommended a book on discovering your spiritual gifts. anyway, i thought it wasn't interesting take on things.
anyway, i fret a lot and i'm 96.2% sure it's pointless.
there was a line in the movie bella that stuck out to me. "I used to worry. Then I did a little research and found out that ten out of ten people die."
well aren't i glad i spent my day in a tizzy.
2 comments:
What was the book? I just did a thing like that with a book called Living Your Strengths, and I thought it was pretty insightful. Of course, I found out alot about myself, but not really what to do with that information.
he couldn't remember the exact title but i think he said something along the lines of "discovering your spiritual gifts"
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