i'm going to apologize in advance...

i realize this is a conversation i should probably have with some of you out there in person...the handful of you that read this crappy little blog...but i'm going to post it here. because honestly i'm not quite ready to deal with the awkwardness of it all...it just makes my head swim and dread come over my soul. dread. it's kind of like when my sister sent me and some of her closest friends an e-mail to announce that she was pregnant...this of course was awkward for her because she was seperated and discussing divorce with her then husband. thank goodness it was his baby because that could have been a billion times more awkward.

anyway, back to my news. on monday afternoon i was "dismissed" from my job. yes, this is the job that i was super excited about and thought would be a great fit for me. wow. i missed the boat on that one. it's a long story and i will be happy to discuss it with you in more detail...in person of course. i was told that they (the crazy husband and wife owners) had decided to take their marketing in a different direction (oddly enough, i was a new direction) and were going to start outsourcing marketing, writing, and graphic design needs. wow. cost saving was mentioned. i was given the line "it's our issue, nothing to do with you. double wow. but on a positive note i was given a month's severance pay. which is good but conveniently timed so that i can't file for unemployment.

but really they were crazy. other employees were lovely, team players but the owners were crazy. they were chaotic, unprofessional, cheap, unethical and people i really didn't like. and honestly, i think they didn't like me and that's the main reason i'm gone. i was calm, organized and refused to be a part of their chaos. another positive note, i have gained some more bizarre stories to add to my previous post.

luckily i knew this was coming. not literally but i knew it in my gut. i had been researching some options if it did happen and wasn't the least bit shocked when he gave me his lame speech.

so i'm doing ok. i'm sad. sad because i really wanted this job to work out and i feel like i tried (but they didn't). sad that i took a risk that completely blew up in my face. sad because i have to figure out what to do next which involves selling myself to another potentially crappy employer. insert my lengthy sigh here.

this has forced me to realize that i'm really not happy doing the job i've been doing. it's entertaining about one day a week and the rest of the time i'm just wishing i was doing something else. i'm not sure what that something else is but i'm going to try and look for it. as long as i can afford it. for the time being i'm going to try some temp stuff...talk to an agency, consider substitute teaching, beg for graphic design work to build my portfolio, etc. i'm just tired of this cycle of discontent that i'm in and i think this is a chance for me to experience some different things.

as long as i can afford it. and honestly i'm scared out of my noggin.

so in the meantime, i'm hanging out at home, getting some exercise and looking for some alternative ways to make some cash. i'm looking to do some free graphic design work so if you need anything or know anyone who does (thanks risa!) please send them my way.

feel free to send calming, peaceful, non-worry thoughts my way...because the bottle of rasberry vodka i bought monday night keeps calling my name.

now i just have to tell my mom. insert even bigger sigh here.