Why I hate my art class...

I am not an artist. I don’t think like an artist. I really like structure and balance. I’m a planner. I don’t act without organizing and planning. I’m overly logical. I play it safe. As E would say, I am the straight man.

When you give me instructions, I follow them. I do exactly what you tell me. My class is not this way. For example last week our assignment was a symmetrical and asymmetrical composition using up to four colors of construction paper. We had specific size requirements. We are required to hang our works up for everyone to see – the professor then critiques them. Well unfortunately she did not like my use of colors – it was “neat” but I focused more on the small details instead of the whole picture. Great. She doesn’t like my color and design…I can live with that. But then there are some works that didn’t even manage to make their design symmetrical or follow the size guidelines – does she point this out? No. Apparently to her the design and color usage is more important than the basic assignment. Cool you’re the professor but I don’t understand this…it is foreign to me.

Last night it was the same thing. I’m almost 32 flippin years old but I still do not like being criticized in a class room setting with ten 19 year olds. I find very uncomfortable. And very bothersome that I care so much…

But seriously, this class has become terribly difficult for me both skill wise and emotionally. It’s difficult to step out and do new things anyway, but I feel like what’s acceptable is ever changing. There is no black and white and I like black and white when my personal success depends on it.

I remember my first night in Drawing I being so intimidated and telling myself that I had nothing to prove. It’s fun, I’m challenging myself. It’s not working this time. I don’t buy it. I want to be able to do this and do it well but honestly I don’t know if I can.

I’m pondering dropping the class. The mere thought of presenting another project (a painting using the various types of shapes) makes me feel pure dread. Dread. And this is supposed to fun and enlightening. It is neither right now.

No rash decisions. I will ponder some more and maybe it will get better as the week progresses.

But otherwise I am good this week. Work is tolerable. I’m eating good. Exercising consistently. I had a small weight loss this week – I feel like I’m getting my habits under control – which is ultimately my goal. I have another Dreamweaver class tonight. So yeah, I’m good.

I have made plans to take a road trip with my sister in late March. We are going to see an aunt and uncle in Austin. My sister, oh my sister. We are so much alike, yet sooooooooooo very different. I’m sure before this trip is all said and done – there will venting about my sister.