tonight when i filed my unemployment for the week online i got a message that stated something like "you're claim will not be paid this week because of a pending separation issue." and i'm completely in freak out/ worry mode.
should i be? no. but this is what i do...irrationally freak out and worry about things that are not worthy of worry. e thinks it's gotten worse as i've gotten older...the inability to just let things go until there is something substantial to worry about.
part of me knows that i should put this worry aside for the evening, go to sleep and call the unemployment agency tomorrow. ask some questions, find out what the problem is and then find a rational response. this part of me also knows that the pending separation issue will likely be easily resolved.
but then there's the crazy part of me...that is convinced that "those" people are appealing my unemployment and i'm going to have to deal with them...again. and that just annoys the crap of me and makes my stomach feel all jittery and nervous. i want them behind me...in the past.
it seems like my ability to deal rationally with stressful, uncomfortable or in some cases completely ridiculous things has escaped me. and i don't like it one bit. but luckily i have the small rational streak running through me that constantly reminds me of how i should be acting...nothing like adding a little more confusion to the craziness.
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I am really sorry for the agony that anxiety causes. Some people have a biological predisposition to experience anxiety in ways others don't, and for them, "letting go" is not something that they can just make a decision about. It has to do with neural pathways and chemicals called peptides. Try not to beat yourself up about it, much of it is out of your control. Yoga and meditation help a lot, but there are many wonderful pharmaceutical choices to help you learn how to overcome chronic worry. Klonapin or Xanex (sic) are two that can be used as needed, and can be dosed low enough that you can still function. Here's why anxiety meds are a really important tool; to get out of a pattern of chronic worry, you need to experience the sensation of being fully rid of worry, so you know what to aim for. For many of us, we carry constantly elevated levels of worry every day, and don't even know it. That is why we get anxious easier than others, our cups are already half full and it takes less to make them overflow.
I also think "those people" are likely trying to screw you over and I'm sorry for that, but at least you are no longer there, it could be worse.
I wish you peace.
Sj
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